Sun 94 Posted 14 years ago
Grammar
wordy sentence
I tried to rewrite the sentence in a consice way. Can I have your comments?
1. The town was founded by Billy Baker, the first miner to find quantities of gold in large amounts in the rea.
--> Billy Baker, the first miner to find a larage amount of god in the area , founded the town.
2. Barkeville was good with lots of facilites such as a church, a library, and a theatre.
--> Barkeville had many good facilites, such as a church, library and theatre.
3.Several years after the town was founded, it was abandonded. The reason why the two was abandoned was that the gold ran out.
-->The town was abandonded because the gold ran out several years after it was founded.
1. The town was founded by Billy Baker, the first miner to find quantities of gold in large amounts in the rea.
--> Billy Baker, the first miner to find a larage amount of god in the area , founded the town.
2. Barkeville was good with lots of facilites such as a church, a library, and a theatre.
--> Barkeville had many good facilites, such as a church, library and theatre.
3.Several years after the town was founded, it was abandonded. The reason why the two was abandoned was that the gold ran out.
-->The town was abandonded because the gold ran out several years after it was founded.
Top answer
Not enough: you're not being creative enough in recasting. 1. The town was founded by Billy Baker, the first miner to find quantities of gold in large amounts in the area.
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Not enough: you're not being creative enough in recasting.
1. The town was founded by Billy Baker, the first miner to find quantities of gold in large amounts in the area.
--> Billy Baker, the first miner to strike gold in the area, founded the town.
2. Barkerville was good with lots of facilities such as a church, a library, and a theatre.--The underl
1. The town was founded by Billy Baker, the first miner to find quantities of gold in large amounts in the area.
--> Billy Baker, the first miner to strike gold in the area, founded the town.
2. Barkerville was good with lots of facilities such as a church, a library, and a theatre.--The underl
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