UPDATED EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK DRESS CODE

UPDATED EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK DRESS CODE




SICK DAYS:


We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If

you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.



PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called

Saturday & Sunday.

RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a

strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes,

an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, the stall door will

open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your

picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic

Offenders" category.

LUNCH BREAK:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that

they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to

get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5

minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim

Fast.



Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a

positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,

concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,

insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations

and input should be directed elsewhere.



Have a nice week!



THE MANAGEMENT