Cookie27 Posted 21 years ago
The Enemy
one night, i was just thinking of abstract things and i came up witha sorta poem...i call it:
THE ENEMY
I'm lying in my bed facing straight up,
I turn on to my belly and rest my cheek on my hand,
I stare at the wooden head of the bed...
I slowly reach out and touch it,
It feels so...smooth.
I turn to my side and face the wall,
I close my eyes for a bit,
I piture...a big square of the smoothest wood,
Just like on my bed...
Then, a person comes into the picture,
starts stamping on the wood,
leaving muddy footprints.
That person - The Enemy
___________________________________
please post some of your opinions, i would really like to hear them!
(if you see this poem anywhere else but on this post, please post immediately!)
thx,
Cookie
THE ENEMY
I'm lying in my bed facing straight up,
I turn on to my belly and rest my cheek on my hand,
I stare at the wooden head of the bed...
I slowly reach out and touch it,
It feels so...smooth.
I turn to my side and face the wall,
I close my eyes for a bit,
I piture...a big square of the smoothest wood,
Just like on my bed...
Then, a person comes into the picture,
starts stamping on the wood,
leaving muddy footprints.
That person - The Enemy
___________________________________
please post some of your opinions, i would really like to hear them!
(if you see this poem anywhere else but on this post, please post immediately!)
thx,
Cookie
Top answer
I would appreciate any opinions. Cookie
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It's a puzzling image, Cookie. Why does the enemy stamp on the wood?
MrP
MrP
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far be it for me to judge any free verse poretry as far as content is concerned, however on structure I think that you should eliminate the use of the elipses (...) I don't think it is useful unless you are trying to show a lapse of time then maybe it serves it purpose.
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THE ENEMY
I'm lying in my bed facing straight up,
I turn on to my front and rest my cheek on my hand,
I stare at the wooden head of the bed.
I slowly reach out and touch it,
It feels so smooth.
I turn to my side and face the wall,
I close my eyes tight for a bit,
I piture a big square of the smoothest wood,
Just lik
I'm lying in my bed facing straight up,
I turn on to my front and rest my cheek on my hand,
I stare at the wooden head of the bed.
I slowly reach out and touch it,
It feels so smooth.
I turn to my side and face the wall,
I close my eyes tight for a bit,
I piture a big square of the smoothest wood,
Just lik
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I like this poem. Even though I needed to read it twice to understand, I can relate to this. I like to think about my enemies when I'm about to sleep.
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