TASK 1 IELTS / PIE CHART: Please check my essay

Question

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.Given are the pie charts illustrating household spending of Japaneses and Malaysians in 2010.Overall, both Japan and Malaysia’s citizens spent most of their money on Food and Housing. On the other hand, the proportions of expense for transport and health care were the smallest in both countries.In Malaysia, while housing expenditure was ranked first with well over a third, that of Japan was only 21%. The average amount of money spent on food in Malaysia was 27%, 3% higher than in Japan despite this category accounting for the largest proportion of expenditure in this country.In regard to the other categories, both Transport and Health care had the same rank in Japan and Malaysia. Compared to the expenditure on transport in Malaysia, which was only a tenth, Japanese spent twice as much of that. In contrast, in Japan, spending on Health care made up 6%, while that of Malaysia comprised only half of that figure. The other, unspecified, goods and services took up 29% and 26% in Japan and Malaysia, respectively.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Ng?c B?o Võillustrating

I gave you this advice on an earlier essay.

Illustrate means "make a picture of". Use this verb for figures that are pictures - maps, diagrams, and process flows.

It is not a good choice for plots, charts, graphs and tables.
Use one of these as appropriate: compares, gives, shows, plots, or presents.

Ng?c B?o VõGiven are the pie charts

How many pie charts?
Do not use "given" especially as a passive verb, in Task 1. It is completely unnecessary to say "given table" or "given graph". It is unnatural.

Ng?c B?o VõGiven are the pie charts illustrating household spending of Japaneses and Malaysians in 2010.

Japanese is plural.

The two pie charts compare the average household spending in 2010, broken down into five categories, of the Japanese and Malaysians, respectively.

(Two pie charts, two pie charts. It is easy for the reader to understand exactly. You are going to compare the data from these two countries given the information on the pie charts.

Next, tell the reader about the categories. This is still the first paragraph.

The five categories are housing, transport, food, health care, and other.

The reader's mind is now prepared for your analysis.

Your original sentence was not good to inform the reader about this graphic.

Here are different versions of an opening paragraph for this task. All of them describe the graphic in such a clear and precise manner that the reader will perfectly understand your analysis in the next two paragraphs.

1. The two pie charts compare the average household spending in 2010, broken down into five categories, of the Japanese and Malaysians, respectively. The five categories are housing, transport, food, health care, and other.

2. The 2010 average household budgets for Japanese and Malaysians are shown in the two pie charts. Each chart has five budget categories: housing, transport, food, health care, and other.

3. These two pie charts, one labeled Japan, and the other Malaysia, present the division of the average 2010 family spending into five categories: housing, transport, food, health care, and other.

4. The percentages of average family expenses allocated among five categories are shown on these two pie charts, one for Japan and another for Malaysia. The data is from 2010 and the categories are: housing, transport, food, health care, and other.

5. Average family expenditures in 2010 divided into five expense categories are given in these pie charts. There is one pie chart for Japan and a second for Malaysia. The five categories are housing, transport, food, health care, and other.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Given are the pie charts illustrating household spending of Japaneses and Malaysians in 2010. Read my previous post on the sentence.

Overall, both Japan and Malaysia’s ~~citizens~~ families / family units / households spent most of their money on F food and H housing (That is incorrect. Japanese spent less than half (45%) in these categories. That is not "most of their money.") On the other hand, the proportions ~~of expense~~ for transport and health care were the smallest in both countries. (This is misleading. Transport was 20% in Japan, almost as much as housing.)

Overall, Malaysians spent a disproportionately large percentage of their money on housing and health care compared to the Japanese. But transport expenses were nearly twice as much in Japan as in Malaysia. The smallest category in both countries was health care.

In Malaysia, while housing expenditure ~~was~~ ranked first with ~~well~~ just over a third, that of Japan was slightly over a fifth. ~~only 21%~~. The average share ~~amount~~ of money spent on food in Malaysia was 27%, 3% higher than in Japan despite this category accounting for the largest proportion of expenditure in this country.

In regard to the other categories, both transport and health care ranked in fourth and fifth place, respectively, ~~had the same rank~~ in Japan and Malaysia. But the percentages allocated to them differed markedly. For example, Malaysians budgeted one tenth to transport, compared to double that in Japan. ~~Compared to the expenditure on transport in Malaysia, which was only a tenth, Japanese spent twice as much of that.~~ In contrast, in Japan, spending on health care made up 6%, while that of Malaysia was ~~comprised only~~ half of that. ~~figure~~. The other, unspecified, goods and services category took up 29% and 26% in Japan and Malaysia, respectively.

Ali900 · Answer

Ali900 · Answer

Thanks

Analysis Plural

TASK 1 IELTS / PIE CHART: Please check my essay

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