Sailsofoblivion Posted 11 years ago
Grammar
Speaker?
I made the mistake of initially separating two pieces of dialogue before I realised I could easily run on the same character's speech for as long as I wanted to, rookie error.
Anyway, I can't actually remember whether or not the character Adam or the speaker says the last sentence, do you think it sounds better coming from Adam (as it is placed) or from the speaker?
I’ve seen you around here a lot lately. You seem interesting. I’m Adam,” he said, and then nervously asked, “Do you want to go for a coffee or something? You’re really cute.”
“I can’t,” I eventually blurted. I quickly realised that this sounded harsh; especially considering how long it had taken him to ask me. So I made up an excuse, “I’m sorry. I’ve got a boyfriend.
“Oh. He’s a lucky guy,” he muttered, deflated. “I guess I’ll see you around then.”
Anyway, I can't actually remember whether or not the character Adam or the speaker says the last sentence, do you think it sounds better coming from Adam (as it is placed) or from the speaker?
I’ve seen you around here a lot lately. You seem interesting. I’m Adam,” he said, and then nervously asked, “Do you want to go for a coffee or something? You’re really cute.”
“I can’t,” I eventually blurted. I quickly realised that this sounded harsh; especially considering how long it had taken him to ask me. So I made up an excuse, “I’m sorry. I’ve got a boyfriend.
“Oh. He’s a lucky guy,” he muttered, deflated. “I guess I’ll see you around then.”
Top answer
Is this a fictional story that you are writing, or are you recounting actual events? When you say you "can't remember" who said it, are you implying the latter? If so, the concept of what "sounds better" doesn't seem terribly relevant if what "sounds better" may not be what actually happened.
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Is this a fictional story that you are writing, or are you recounting actual events? When you say you "can't remember" who said it, are you implying the latter? If so, the concept of what "sounds better" doesn't seem terribly relevant if what "sounds better" may not be what actually happened.
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It's a fictional story, and in my mind, either character could have said it... Thanks!
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Oh, I think what you have is OK then.
I would be inclined to change the semicolon after "harsh" to a comma though.
I would be inclined to change the semicolon after "harsh" to a comma though.
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