English 1b3 Posted 16 years ago
Grammar
Sentence variations
Please tell which you believe to be the best. The words in bold are words I added in attempt to make the sentence clear.
Original: Additionally, I understand the importance of such relationships, having worked in companies such as X and Y in which 20% of the customers create 80% of the revenue.
Edited #1: Additionally, I understand the importance of such relationships. I worked in companies such as X and Y in which strong relationships were of the utmost importantance, as 20% of their customers created 80% of their revenues.
Edited #2: Additionally, I understand the importance of such relationships, having worked in companies such as X and Y in which strong relationships were of the utmost importance, as 20% of their customers created 80% of their revenues.
Edited #3: Additionally, I understand the importance of such relationships. I worked in companies such as X and Y in which strong relationships were of the utmost importance, as 20% of the customers created 80% of the revenues.
Edited #4: Additionally, I understand the importance of such relationships. I worked in companies such as X and Y in which strong relationships were of the utmost importance and in which 20% of the customers created 80% of the revenues.
Thank you
Original: Additionally, I understand the importance of such relationships, having worked in companies such as X and Y in which 20% of the customers create 80% of the revenue.
Edited #1: Additionally, I understand the importance of such relationships. I worked in companies such as X and Y in which strong relationships were of the utmost importantance, as 20% of their customers created 80% of their revenues.
Edited #2: Additionally, I understand the importance of such relationships, having worked in companies such as X and Y in which strong relationships were of the utmost importance, as 20% of their customers created 80% of their revenues.
Edited #3: Additionally, I understand the importance of such relationships. I worked in companies such as X and Y in which strong relationships were of the utmost importance, as 20% of the customers created 80% of the revenues.
Edited #4: Additionally, I understand the importance of such relationships. I worked in companies such as X and Y in which strong relationships were of the utmost importance and in which 20% of the customers created 80% of the revenues.
Thank you
Top answer
I suggest this: I understand the importance of such relationships. I have worked in companies such as X and Y in which strong relationships were of the utmost importance: 20% of their customers create 80% of their revenues.
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I suggest this:
I understand the importance of such relationships. I have worked in companies such as X and Y in which strong relationships were of the utmost importance: 20% of their customers create 80% of their revenues.
I understand the importance of such relationships. I have worked in companies such as X and Y in which strong relationships were of the utmost importance: 20% of their customers create 80% of their revenues.
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Mister Micawber
I suggest this:
I understand the importance of such relationships. I have worked in companies such as X and Y in which strong relationships were of the utmost importance: 20% of their customers create 80% of their revenues.
Yours is much clearer, thank you. However, splitting the first sent
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Yes, the connection is obvious. Start thinking semantically and stop worrying so much about punctuation.
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Mister Micawberstop worrying so much about punctuation.
Hi,
I wasn't worrying about punctuation. I was worrying about the relationship that may be lost from changing a subordinate clause of reason to a main clause.
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