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Question

Hi teachers,I posted this thread few weeks ago and haven't been answered.  Would you help me correct it?  Thank you.Gia is having trouble swollowing.   One time she was very yelling delighted when she saw me handing a tiny piece of ground meat into her mouth, so I gave her another piece.  Her tongue was moving, rolling, tugging the wall of her mouth, making her very funny.   Just when I thought she was handling well with solid foods, she suddenly choked up.  I was very scared because she looked up at me awfully opening her month, and there were no one at my side.  And suddenly just before she gurgled, I saw a small slump of meat collecting at the back of her tongue.  she was keeping all the food in her mouth all this time.  Then she vomitted.  Regards,TN

Doctor D · Accepted Answer

Here is your corrected paragraph. I tried to keep your words where possible, but I made a couple of suggestions where I think your word choice is weak or confusing. The ~~strikethrough~~ letters are your original words and the color bar words are my replacements.

Gia was is having trouble swallowing ~~swollowing~~. At first ~~One time~~ she was very ~~yelling~~ delighted when she saw me placing ~~handing~~ a tiny piece of ground meat into her mouth, so I gave her another piece. Her tongue was moving, rolling, and tugging the wall of her mouth, making her look very funny. Just when I thought she was handling ~~well with~~ solid foods well, she suddenly choked up. I was very scared because she looked awful as she looked up at me ~~awfully opening her~~ month with her mouth open, and there were no one at my side. ~~And s~~ Suddenly, just before she gurgled, I saw a small lump ~~slump~~ of meat collecting at the back of her tongue. She was keeping all the food in her mouth all this time. Then she vomited ~~vomitted~~.

Also: Put the entire paragraph in the same tense (past)--don't mix past and present ("is having"). I was unsure how to read the sentence: "I saw a small lump...." It could be read as either past or present, depending on the dropped word. If you meant "I saw a small lump of meat that was collecting at the back of her tongue"--that would be the past. If you meant to say "that is collecting"--then you are using the present (and should not).

Tinanam0102 · Answer

Dear Doctor D,

Thank you for correcting my paragraph. My niece Gia is now eleven months old, who has trouble swallowing solid foods. I have few questions.

1. Should I say", "Gia was having trouble swallowing solid foods.", or "Gia was having trouble swallowing with solid foods."

2. If I have to write "Gia was having..." instead of "Gia is having...", then how can I tell my friends that Gia still has this problem in my paragraph?

3. In "I saw a small lump of meat (that is) collecting at the back of her tongue.", is "that is" optional?

Thank you.

Regards,

Tinanam

Doctor D · Answer

Thanks for the additonal information. You want to talk about a problem that still exists and also tell about an incident in the past that demonstrates that problem. Here's how I would say it:

Gia is having trouble swallowing solid foods. Recently, she was ...

As to item #1, the first version is correct. The second sentence should read: "Gia was having trouble with solid foods." (Only, in this case, you would use "is having.")

As to item #3, the phrase "that is" or "that was" is optional. I just wanted to clarify the time period you were talking about--did it take place in the past or in the present.

Tinanam0102 · Answer

Dear Doctor D,

Thanks again for looking into my problem. This was one incident that happened recently. That involved her choking because of a lump of meat stuck in her throat. Maybe the words I used are too confusing to make sense.

1. If I say, "I saw a lump of meat (that was) collecting at the back of her tongue", does it means this should be one incident that happened in the past?

2. If I say, "I saw a lump of meat (that is) collecting at the back of her tongue", does it mean the lump of meat is still at the back of her tongue now?

3. I had trouble finding the right words to describle "a lump of meat that was lodged in the throat", and not sure if it is the correct way to say the way I just said it. So I just wrote, "a lump of meat collecting at the back of her tongue". Would you tell me if this expression is correct and understandable?

4. I also doubt that I have chosen the right word "gurgle". I constantly have to translate my native words into English, so it maybe the problem here. For that choking action that happened in just a few second, should I use "gurgle" or "gargle" here? They are almost the same meaning to me.

I apologize that my writing questions appear a bit long. Thank you for your help.

Regards,

Tinanam

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