Sailsofoblivion Posted 12 years ago
Grammar
Punctuation
Hi,
I was just wondering, is the punctuation and grammar in this paragraph correct?
I am not sure if the first two sentences would read better if they were joined by a dash?
Thanks in advance,
Emma
The following year, I chose to study art, and my confidence improved immeasurably. I also dropped all three sciences subjects at the first available opportunity. In my class, the art supplies which I found within my aunt’s attic were invaluable, and I made a point of using her ornate paintbrush as often as possible. My belief that I would not be at the same level as those who had been studying art longer than me proved to be unfounded; instead I felt like their equal, and no longer attempted to hide my test scores from those around me. Had I not found a range of artist equipments, however, I believe that I would have struggled to accept the fact that my dream of becoming a vet simply could not become a reality. Instead, it planted a seed in my mind which inspired me to not only write stories, but illustrate them too. The paintbrush which had played a role in the restoration of history had gone on to restore the purpose and pride in my life.
I was just wondering, is the punctuation and grammar in this paragraph correct?
I am not sure if the first two sentences would read better if they were joined by a dash?
Thanks in advance,
Emma
The following year, I chose to study art, and my confidence improved immeasurably. I also dropped all three sciences subjects at the first available opportunity. In my class, the art supplies which I found within my aunt’s attic were invaluable, and I made a point of using her ornate paintbrush as often as possible. My belief that I would not be at the same level as those who had been studying art longer than me proved to be unfounded; instead I felt like their equal, and no longer attempted to hide my test scores from those around me. Had I not found a range of artist equipments, however, I believe that I would have struggled to accept the fact that my dream of becoming a vet simply could not become a reality. Instead, it planted a seed in my mind which inspired me to not only write stories, but illustrate them too. The paintbrush which had played a role in the restoration of history had gone on to restore the purpose and pride in my life.
Top answer
sailsofoblivion I am not sure if the first two sentences would read better if they were joined by a dash? No. Dashes should be used very sparingly.
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sailsofoblivionI am not sure if the first two sentences would read better if they were joined by a dash?No. Dashes should be used very sparingly.
The following year, I chose to study art, (no comma) and my confidence improved immeasurably. I
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Thank you so much for your help! I mean an animal doctor, would I be better saying this explicitly?
The paint brush was used by my aunt in the restoration of a number of artefacts at a local museum, but I mention this earlier in the piece.
This is the paragraph now with your suggestions added in:
The following year, I chose to study art and my confidence improved imm
The paint brush was used by my aunt in the restoration of a number of artefacts at a local museum, but I mention this earlier in the piece.
This is the paragraph now with your suggestions added in:
The following year, I chose to study art and my confidence improved imm
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This is where I mention what the brush was used for:
In contrast to the suppression of my creativity, my aunt’s passion for art was revealed by these objects, and they were all the more important because many of them had been used by her to repair a number of pieces in the Burrell collection. In my mind, they were a form of treasure; particularly the ornate paintbrush which my aunt had t
In contrast to the suppression of my creativity, my aunt’s passion for art was revealed by these objects, and they were all the more important because many of them had been used by her to repair a number of pieces in the Burrell collection. In my mind, they were a form of treasure; particularly the ornate paintbrush which my aunt had t
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The paint brush did not restore history, it restored historical objects, such as vases.
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