Roy Mustang Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Proofreading my intro for an essay
Hello people! I want to know if this intro to my essay is grammatically correct.
I would appreciate if you would tell me specifics on what to fix and how I may go about fixing these errors.
Thank you for your time and efforts!
As I sit in my room in front of my computer while typing away at an outline for an essay I glance upward and see a poster hanging upon my wall with a picture of a white and red mech standing with a nostalgic aura with a peculiar v-shaped ornament upon what appears to be its head. I begin to recall bits and pieces of this show and I snap my fingers with gleeful recognition as I remember its name "G- Gundam," and abruptly realize with horror that I had forgotten something so important to my childhood. Suddenly a though hit me as if I had been struck by lightning, "when did I stop watching G- Gundam?" I remember that I watched the show with a certain fondness for a very long time, and I used to cherish every moment of it. I even have model figures in my room that I dust off once in a while, but what exactly made me lose interest in them? I started to ask myself "what was it that had started the digression of my love for this certain show?"
I would appreciate if you would tell me specifics on what to fix and how I may go about fixing these errors.
Thank you for your time and efforts!
As I sit in my room in front of my computer while typing away at an outline for an essay I glance upward and see a poster hanging upon my wall with a picture of a white and red mech standing with a nostalgic aura with a peculiar v-shaped ornament upon what appears to be its head. I begin to recall bits and pieces of this show and I snap my fingers with gleeful recognition as I remember its name "G- Gundam," and abruptly realize with horror that I had forgotten something so important to my childhood. Suddenly a though hit me as if I had been struck by lightning, "when did I stop watching G- Gundam?" I remember that I watched the show with a certain fondness for a very long time, and I used to cherish every moment of it. I even have model figures in my room that I dust off once in a while, but what exactly made me lose interest in them? I started to ask myself "what was it that had started the digression of my love for this certain show?"
Top answer
Hello, Roy - and welcome to English Forums. It will be a better learning experience if you try to think about the problems yourself first. I have underlined some problem areas.
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Hello, Roy - and welcome to English Forums.
It will be a better learning experience if you try to think about the problems yourself first. I have underlined some problem areas. Most of them have to do with punctuation and turn of phrase, including serious overuse of the prepositional phrase as modifier:
As I sit in my room in front of my computer while typing away
It will be a better learning experience if you try to think about the problems yourself first. I have underlined some problem areas. Most of them have to do with punctuation and turn of phrase, including serious overuse of the prepositional phrase as modifier:
As I sit in my room in front of my computer while typing away
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Thank you for your help and considerations I will remember these as I continue to write my essay. and I will revise my intro to exclude the clichés that I find as well as those you have underlined. I thank you agian for your time and effort put into helping me, and I hope that you will help me with any future problems that I may have later.
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