Nekosama Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Proofreading?
Hi teachers, please help me correct my letter if there are any mistakes.
Thank you.
Dear Sara,
We have had a few problems concerning our plant, so I would like to bring you up to speed with the production situation.
Firstly, the prices of the plastic components have rocketed; regarding to this, I think we should accordingly increase the prices of our products.
Furthermore, we should make agreements with our suppliers to sell some specific products only to us because some of our competitors have already signed exclusive contracts with them.
Besides, I would like to suggest organizing monthly team meetings. However, most department managers thought there was no rush. I tried bringing it up at the focus meeting, but we didn’t get round it.
Last but not least, we have recalled all the products we made last month due to the quality problems with defective casings as a result of a lack of trained operators.
We have taken effective measures to get all these problems sorted, and we are back on track now.
Regards,
Simon
Thank you.
Dear Sara,
We have had a few problems concerning our plant, so I would like to bring you up to speed with the production situation.
Firstly, the prices of the plastic components have rocketed; regarding to this, I think we should accordingly increase the prices of our products.
Furthermore, we should make agreements with our suppliers to sell some specific products only to us because some of our competitors have already signed exclusive contracts with them.
Besides, I would like to suggest organizing monthly team meetings. However, most department managers thought there was no rush. I tried bringing it up at the focus meeting, but we didn’t get round it.
Last but not least, we have recalled all the products we made last month due to the quality problems with defective casings as a result of a lack of trained operators.
We have taken effective measures to get all these problems sorted, and we are back on track now.
Regards,
Simon
Top answer
My corrections in a different font colour below One thing to say - as someone who doesn't know the context, a lot of this, contextually, doesn't make sense. That is to say, if someone who doesn't know what's going on picks up this email and has to act, they won't know the whole picture. To avoid this, you would have to 'fill in the knowledge gaps' or redraft any sentences that refer to assumed knowledge.
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My corrections in a different font colour below 
One thing to say - as someone who doesn't know the context, a lot of this, cont
One thing to say - as someone who doesn't know the context, a lot of this, cont
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