Nekosama Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Proofreading?
hi teachers, please help me correct my report if there are any mistakes.
thank you~
Report on the developments in the sports goods market
Introduction
This report aims to evaluate the current sports goods market and to recommend some effective marketing strategies for the coming year.
Findings
Firstly, we can see from the pie chart that the best sales distribution of our company is North America, which sales figure accounts for 44% of the annual turnover in 2002. It is followed by Europe (26%), South America (19%) and Asia/pacific (11%).
Secondly, the bar chart of the annual turnover of four major sports retailers indicates that our company is in the third place with $40 million in 2001. Additionally, we are the second largest retailer with a turnover of $60 million, and our company is the only company which succeeded in increasing its turnover in 2002.
Conclusion
Given the statistics above, we have to change our current sales distribution if we want to make more profit in the next year.
We are supposed to increase six stores in Europe, four in Asia/Pacific and three in South America in order to gain 30%,14% and 23% sales respectively.
However, we should decrease our stores in North America, where the market has already saturated.
I hope these effective strategies can help our company to become the best retailer in the coming year.
thank you~
Report on the developments in the sports goods market
Introduction
This report aims to evaluate the current sports goods market and to recommend some effective marketing strategies for the coming year.
Findings
Firstly, we can see from the pie chart that the best sales distribution of our company is North America, which sales figure accounts for 44% of the annual turnover in 2002. It is followed by Europe (26%), South America (19%) and Asia/pacific (11%).
Secondly, the bar chart of the annual turnover of four major sports retailers indicates that our company is in the third place with $40 million in 2001. Additionally, we are the second largest retailer with a turnover of $60 million, and our company is the only company which succeeded in increasing its turnover in 2002.
Conclusion
Given the statistics above, we have to change our current sales distribution if we want to make more profit in the next year.
We are supposed to increase six stores in Europe, four in Asia/Pacific and three in South America in order to gain 30%,14% and 23% sales respectively.
However, we should decrease our stores in North America, where the market has already saturated.
I hope these effective strategies can help our company to become the best retailer in the coming year.
Top answer
2001 and 2002 are hardly recent!
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Hi teachers, please help me correct my report if there are any mistakes.
Thank you.
Report onthe recent developments in the sports-goods market
Introduction
This report aims to evaluate the current sports-goods market and to recommend some effective marketing strategies for the coming year.
Findings
Thank you.
Report on
Introduction
This report aims to evaluate the current sports-goods market and to recommend some effective marketing strategies for the coming year.
Findings
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My changes highlighted in red below:
Report on the developments in the sports goods market
Introduction
This report aims to evaluate the current sports goods market and to recommend some effective marketing strategies for the coming year.
Findings
Firstly, we can see from the pie chart that our company's best sales distri
Report on the developments in the sports goods market
Introduction
This report aims to evaluate the current sports goods market and to recommend some effective marketing strategies for the coming year.
Findings
Firstly, we can see from the pie chart that our company's best sales distri
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WrittenLegalEnglishwith sales figure accounting for 44%
WrittenLegalEnglishthat our company is in the third placeThe above is incorrect.
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For the first one, it's question of interpretation. When I read the original (I didn't see your revision), I understood it in the way as I corrected. Given that you're not the original author, I can't see how you can decisively say this wasn't the original author's intention. It's different to your correction, that's for sure (albeit, in practice the difference really is minor).
For the s
For the s
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WrittenLegalEnglishIf you think I am incorrect, then by all means (if you want to) explain why.I'll explain.
WrittenLegalEnglish with sales figure accounting"Figure" is a singular countable noun. You needed "figures" for that sentence to work; otherwise, you could have said "the sales figure."
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Yup. Bottom well and truly spanked 
. Not the greatest start from me was it? Will do better in the future.
. Not the greatest start from me was it? Will do better in the future. 0