Poems

Question

i have written a poem i wanted to know what are the improvements i can make in this poem

For what they may say

They say you are a dream..

Far ahead of man's desire...

Running wild over self cherished valley

Feeding on fear and ignorance

They say you are utopia

Chanting hymns of lambency

Over the dreaded soul.

Who couldn’t understand your motives..

They say I was a fool,,

To search for you

When i defied all rules...

Went after you

They say ...I will regret

I know what I am doing...

I am listening to my vital signs.

They are all whispering

Their harsh disapproval...

For what they may say....

It’s of no exertion

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

Hello, xellosgear - and welcome to English Forums. I am always interested in reading new poetry efforts, even though I am usually very critical. Good poetry is written only by a very special few people.

You have a nice phrase in your poem:

I am listening to my vital signs

But you have more that just don't make real sense; they are simply a group of words that sound nice to you:

self cherished valley

Chanting hymns of lambency

It’s of no exertion

And others that are just cliche instead of original concepts:

you are a dream

Feeding on fear and ignorance

i defied all rules.

Their harsh disapproval

But the main problem is that I don't know what it is about. It has no focus, no centrality. It is just scattered images.

Xellosgear · Answer

hey thankx actually i love critical response other than some people who say my 9 year old daughter can write better than you i will certainly try to improve my poem writing ability so yeah i hope you reply to my furthur posts too

Poems

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