Please help me to correct my composition.

Question

I worte a none-finish composition. In this composition, I have to write in "Description" but I'm not sure whether my story is "description or narration". I really need help!! Help me to correct my grammar, structure, commas, and word choices, please. I want to improve my compositiom ability.

Am I written in description already? If yes I can continue my story.

It is a cold winter morning, the day started like any other. For years, I get used to wake up around half past five in the peaceful morning in winter to enjoy the leisurely time before I go to work. The atmosphere in the morning is as quiet as I can hear the heartbeat from my heart, especially in the winter time.

It is too cold to get up in the early winter morning. I rush to the bathroom and turn on the faucet and the icy water comes out. I take a deep breath and use the icy water to freshen up. Then I made myself a cup of coffee to warm my frozen body and walk nearby the window. I take a sweeping look around the streets, silence full of there. At this moment, in the early winter morning, people are still sleeping soundly and having sweet dreams. None of the cars and bikes on the streets as I’m the only creature in the city, time is mine at present. I can still recall the winter morning I have had in my childhood memories, and the weather was colder than now.

I was about seven years old at that time and my home was far from the city. In one early morning, I sneaked out to the garden which is nearby my home. The sky shown the deep blue, no birds were singing. The only sound that I could hear was my breath. I expired the air and watch the smoke that I had made.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Hi:

It is a nice story!

You just need to pay more attention to the tenses of all the verbs. If the story is in the past time, all the verbs must be in the past tense.

For composition, you have to decide if you are talking about a general or a specific time in the past.

"It was a cold winter morning, and the day started like any other."

This refers to a single specific day, yet the rest of the paragraph speaks of a general period of time (early morning hours in wintertime).

I would start the story with the general setting (reflecting on what I used to do when I was seven years old, living far from the city), and then continue the story by describing one specific morning and then all the things that happened that day.

It [was] a cold winter morning, [and] the day started like any other. For years, I used to wake up around half past five in the peaceful morning(s) [of] winter to enjoy the leisure time before I [went] to work. The atmosphere in the morning [was so] quiet [that] I [could] hear the heartbeat [of] my heart, especially in the winter time.

It [was so] cold [getting up] in the early winter morning, [that] I rush[ed] to the bathroom and turn[ed] on the faucet [but only] icy water [came] out. I [took] a deep breath and use(d) the icy water to freshen up. Then I made myself a cup of coffee to warm my frozen body and walk[ed] [to the] nearby window. I [took] a sweeping look around the [silent] streets. At [that] moment, in the early winter morning, people [were] still sleeping soundly and having sweet dreams. No cars and bikes [were] on the streets[. Since] I [was] the only creature [awake] in the city, time [was] mine [for the moment]. I can still recall the winter morning in my childhood memories, and the weather was colder than now.

I was about seven years old at that time and my home was far from the city. In one early morning, I sneaked out to the garden nearby my home. The sky [shone] deep blue, no birds were singing. The only sound that I could hear was my breath. I expired the air and watch[ed] the smoke that I had made.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, you are written in description because I can't find the plot of the story of your none- finish composition. Your style is very clear and concise with selected suitable words.
The answers of 5 WH questions: What, Why, When, Where and Who are OK to search richest details" The answer of".Question Where" is perfect: using words with different implied meaning: The only sound that I could hear was my breath.
- I expired the air and watch the smoke that I had made.
Sensory details are very interesting: Sight mixing sound: sleeping city, no singing birds ; Sound and imagination: I could hear the heartbeat from my heart,people were still sleeping soundly and having sweet dream.Touch and imagination:I was only the creature in the city. However, I don't find any color though you were in the garden except the deep blue sky (looks like the blue uniform of some schools) You didn't smell the perfume of some flowers in the early morning mist with dew covered grass or see the color of all kinds of flowers, the fragility of petals, the difference of green grass and green leaves as the green stripes of pyjamas like the green of melon.
In narrative,you use past tense to tell a story. All of your experiences should be described in past tense, too.
Making a plan can help you write better. You can easily state the main idea in introduction and describe experiences as a new picture demonstrating how your ideas work together in conclusion, a final impression to the reader.In description, the body of the composition contains a sequences of events while in narrative it should be story inventions, a plot including setting, characters, a climax and an ending.
It seems your essay looks like a discourse more than a narative or a description because you don't share your thought with the reader. Nostalgia, regret, sadness, homesick etc... doesn't exist in your personal voice besides the habitual activities on a cold early morning...

Anonymous · Answer

help me,
actually i give a written test for clerk post in court. In it I write a composition in it.

But I do not know about it .

Mister Micawber · Answer

Please read the [url=] ANNOUNCEMENTS AND FAQS IN OUR ESSAY-WRITING FORUM[/url] and post your draft essay in that forum.

Anonymous · Answer

Please help me to correct my composition.

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