Please check my cover letter!

Question

I have been using this forum for about 2 month and never had a chance to ask your help. I wrote my own cover letter by using my knowledge that I took from this forum. Please check my letter and correct my mistakes. I would be delighted to receive your respond soon.

Truly,
Alex

COVER LETTER

Sinsung-dong Hana Apt 109-1305, DAEJEON

08 August, 2008
Dear Hiring Partner

I am writing in response to your recent advertisement for a new network manager. Because of my background in computer network, I am confident that I match your published profile. Please find my curriculum vitae for your consideration.

I studied Computer Science at Ehwa Women’s University, Korea. I have worked as a system administrator in Agency for Defense Development since 1997. I have worked as a Network Administrator over a 30 server and more than 3000 users. Also, I recently worked as a security manager to integrate security systems and network infrastructure.. Also I have managed security systems like Firewall, IDS for the past 7 years. My experience in the area of Unix system, Windows Systems, networks, and Security Systems are cooperated each other. Those experience allowed me to design very large campus network and I can integrate many servers and security systems with network infrastructure seemlessly. I hold MCSE certification from Microsoft and CCNA certification from Cisco Systems. I received my master degree in Computer Science at Chungnam University, Korea. I am pursuing my PhD. I am already done with my coursework and starting my dissertation.

I believe I have the qualities that you expect. I am very interested in this position. It would be a great opportunity for me to work at XXX company. I will contact you within the next two weeks to arrange an interview. You may reach me at phone or through email.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
********.

Avangi · Accepted Answer

Just a couple of notes - I don't have the energy to check it all.

<backgroung in computer network> To me, this is a thing and not a field. I should think, "computer networking" or "computer networks."

I believe in the US we would say, "as a systems administrator in the Agency etc."

<managed security systems like Firewall,IDS etc.> If these are two different systems, use "Firewall and IDS." If "IDS" is part of the Firewall brand name, I doubt it includes a comma. Also, I'd recommend replacing "like" with "such as." Like could be taken as "similar to," meaning that you haven't actually had any Firewall experience. I'm not sure what it means to manage a system like Firewall. I thought proprietary systems had "admistrators." is that the same as "managers"?

I think someone in the business would say, "My experiences with Unix, Windows, networks, and security systems complement each other, and have allowed me to design a very large campus network, in which I was able to seamlessly integrate many servers and security systems within the network infrastructure.

<I hold MCSE etc.> [new paragraph]

Where are you pursuing your PhD?

<I am already done etc.> I've completed my coursework and have begun work on my dissertation.

Do you mean "qualities," or "qualifications"? you expect / you are looking for ??? (I'd suggest placing the "I am very interested etc." and the "opportunity" sentences at the beginning of this paragraph.)

<reach me at phone> What do you want to say here?

- A.

Ayubxon88 · Answer

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Hi Avangi!
I would like to say thanks to you for checking my letter.
I will keep in mind everything that you have suggested me.
If you will have some free time please could you give me more suggestions about my cover letter.
Thank you for advance.
Truly yours,
Alex

Walk banana 379 · Answer

Just found out about this website. I am looking for someone to read my cover letter as I am soon apply for one. Please check my letter and correct my mistakes. I would be more than happy to receive your respond soon.

Truly,

SAM

COVER LETTER

Dear xxxxx,

I am writing to express my interest as a specialist for warehouse logistics apprenticeship as advertised on *** careers website. Please find my CV enclosed.

My specific interest in the fields of warehouse logistics has been a growing concern lately. Ever since I started learning and still exploring into the kind of environment that it offers, it appeals to me and makes me realize to develop my potentials towards excelling. As xxxx offers a diverse work culture while developing professional and personal responsibility from the very beginning to meet the supply chain challenges aligns perfectly with my preference and the kind of environment I am looking forward to start a career into. It will be worth knowing the strategies that plays to operate such a large successful firm and holds so many employees by becoming a part of it. Also to my understanding a workplace can offer a vibrant and dynamic experience than what we get to see in a webpage.

With reference to my resume you can observe my interest in specific courses, education and work experience are diverse owing to different situations and opportunities available in my country. However, I have had the chance to gain certain professional sales experience with negotiable skills and my willingness to gain knowledge from active participation in artistic fields makes me a unique persistent candidate.

I am self motivated, confident individual with a practical approach towards life and work, like to nurture my common senses and I respect every cultural ethics.

I would welcome the opportunity to speak with you if you feel I would be a strong candidate for this or any other position in your organization. Feel free to contact me at xxxxxEmail Removed">.com, if you need any further information as I would feel delighted. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

Most sincerely,

xxxxxx

Please check my cover letter!

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