Mr. Tom Posted 13 years ago
Grammar
Negotiating the scorching heat of the sun, he walked...
Hi
Could you please see these lines, especially the yellow parts? Is the register OK (as part of a short story)? Any suggestions are welcome.
He knew it would soon cool down along with all other emotions that had lain so sorely inside him for such a long time.
Thanks,
Tom
Could you please see these lines, especially the yellow parts? Is the register OK (as part of a short story)? Any suggestions are welcome.
He knew it would soon cool down along with all other emotions that had lain so sorely inside him for such a long time.
Thanks,
Tom
Top answer
"Negotiating" seems wrong. I don't think "sorely" works, either. The rest is OK.
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"Negotiating" seems wrong. I don't think "sorely" works, either. The rest is OK.
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