What if your debt problems are extensive? Debt consolidation loans could roll all your existing debts into one new loan-so instead of dealing with several payments each month, you just have one. A debt management plan may be suitable to help reduce your monthly repayments and assist you with getting back on top of your debts. Individual voluntary arrangements are suited to people with larger levels of unsecured debt, and allows you to repay debt at an affordable rate and all fees are included in the monthly payment amount. A legal action that draws a line under your debts but will result in a loss of assets and you will be subject to control of the court would be bankruptcy. Whatever your debt circumstances, seek advice; consider all your options and do all you can to bring your outgoings under control.
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Are you looking for someone to proofread this essay or are you trying to sell debt reduction services? If the latter, that's wholly inappropriate for this forum. If the former, please be a bit more clear in what you are looking for.
I would suggest that your paragraph could work as an assignment for a persuasive paragraph or possibly an explanatory paragraph, but it's not a good narrative paragraph.
A narrative paragraph tells a story. Someone did something.
If you google "narrative paragraph" you'll get many hits with good suggestions on writing strong narrative paragraphs.