my report... please, I need help!

Question

Hi everybody,I am Elena and I love english. I am trying to improve my writing skills which are horrible! So I need some help, a saint's hand which is able to fix my writing into a proper english... thanks everybody225 WORDSà REPORTYOUNGSTERS AND ENTERTAINMENT Social Background: This report is intended to discuss if youngsters know how to use their leisure time in a healthy and funny way or, on the contrary, they are lead into addictions by their peers. Main leisure activities: According to the survey made with the aim of corroborating this report, the majority of youngsters prefer spending their free time with risky activities rather than doing funnier things. In fact, it was found that 60% had taken drugs at least once in their life and 20% did it usually. Furthermore, those who drank alcohol every week were in the majority while those who used to go to the cinema were in the minority.Sport is the most appreciated leisure time activity since 65% of the surveyed frequently practiced some kind of it. Between sports, football was the preferable although basketball, swimming and even, horse riding were practiced for more than 15%. Dangerous environment: Regardless of alcohol, drugs are predictably one of the most important addictions. Besides we should take into account other important addictions as could be mobile phones, television, computer games and even the internet.Our youth is in danger in a society which is surrounded by crime. Comments and recommendations: From my standpoint some proposals should be done. It should be considered lowing cinema prices in order to encourage youngsters to go. Organising cinema nights for young people would be even more interesting.Moreover, those surveyed claimed that more variety of concerts not focusing on one unique style be done. While I support the proposal, I recommend that all-included-tickets be implanted. Without being sold at a very high price, they could include a drink in the centre, a film and the ticket for an interesting exposition so youngsters could enjoy various activities instead of one for the same price.

Whl626 · Accepted Answer

Hi everybody,

I am Elena and I love English. I am trying to improve my writing skills that I believe are horrible! So I need some help, a saint's hand that is able to correct my written English... thanks everybody

225 WORDSà REPORT

YOUNGSTERS AND ENTERTAINMENT

Social Background:

This report is intended for discussion whether youngsters know how to use their leisure time in a healthy and funny way. Or to the contrary, being led into some form of addiction by their peers.

Main leisure activities:

According to the survey made with the aim of corroborating this report, the majority of youngsters prefer to spend their free time in risky activities rather than doing funnier things. In fact, it was found that 60% of them took drugs at least once in their life and 20% did it most of the time. Furthermore, those who drank alcohol every week were the majority while those who used to go to the cinema were the minority.

Sport is the most highly recommended leisure time activity. A survey shows that around 65% of the people are involved in some kind of it. Among sports, soccer is more preferable although basketball, swimming or even horse riding take up more than 15%.

Dangerous environment:

Besides alcohol, drugs are considered one of the most important addictions. In addition to that, we should take into account of other important addictions such as mobile phones, television, computer games and even the internet.

The younger generations are in danger living in a society full of criminal activities.

Comments and recommendations:

From my standpoint, some proposals should be made such as lowering ticket prices in cinema in order to encourage youngsters to watch movies. Organizing cinema nights would be another interesting option for young people.

Moreover, a variety of concerts should be held to cater for youngsters from various aspects. While I support the proposal, I also recommend that a package price should be introduced that involves a myriad of activities -- a drink in the center, a film ticket, a ticket for an exhibition etc.

Anonymous · Answer

Whl626 · Answer

Anonymous · Answer

whl626 I must thank you everything you are doing and the patience you are showing with me. Next writing is a 'tactful letter' (I hope so... although I am not very tactful even in my mother tongue!).

I am trying to use the correct format and register.

Tactful letter (formal)

23 Oxford Road

Chelternan

GL504AZ

13^th July 2007

The manager

Buy from home

54 Old Market

Malvern

WR122PO

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with your sending service since I received today the ‘Hendrix Junior’ guitar which I had bought from you on 7^th July. When I opened (unwrapped?) the package I found a broken guitar on it; the neck was completely scratched and the strings were completely divided into small pieces.

Taking into account that the damages should have happened during the delivering, I would be grateful if I were sent a guitar in good conditions. Therefore, in a date of your convenience I would send you the broken one. Otherwise I must ask you to refund the money I spent in both: the guitar and the delivering.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

Simon James

Whl626 · Answer

23 Oxford Road

Chelternan

GL504AZ

13^th July 2007

The manager

Buy from home

54 Old Market

Malvern

WR122PO

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with your delivery service for the ‘Hendrix Junior’ guitar that I bought from you on 7^th July. What I found in the package was a big shock to me -- the guitar neck was completely scratched and the strings were completely broken into small pieces.

Considering that it probably happened during the course of delivery, I would be grateful if you could send me another guitar in good conditions. Then I can send the broken item back to you ( on a date at your choosing. ) I think words in the brackets are not necessary. Otherwise, I have no choice but ask for a refund on the guitar and the delivery service.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

Simon James

Note : Try to put all paragraphs to the left in modern letters.

Anonymous · Answer

Today I am not posting a proper writing. I have been writing a couple of letter in english and some doubts came to my mind, are these sentences allright?

1st- "There is no sense in...." (I would use this one) or "There is no sense on..."

2nd- "It made you be mistaken"

3rd- "I hope to pass on september"

4th- "He drove us the railway station" (is not necessary to write "to the railway station?" I am very confused with this one as my dictionaries write as an example in all of them : "He drove me home" what sounds nice to me but not my own example...)

5th- "We had some time in order to sleep"--> can I short it just saying "we had some time to sleep" showing purpose? Or should I use "for" instead of "to"?

6th- Should I say "next day" or "following day"? I think it is far better the first one but I see nothing wrong in the other one.

About the revised tactful letter, you have replaced "taking into account" by "Considering" I have always thought both words meant the same, is it a question or register or, on the contrary do they mean different things?

Could you give me some advice on how to improve my style? I don't know what to do.. I see the corrections much better but I am not able to write like that on myself....

Thanks for everything

Nona the brit · Answer

Hello,

It's best if you start a new post when your questions have nothing to do with the existing thread as otherwise everything gets rather confusing. It's also a good idea not to ask too many questions in one post. Our 'English Grammar' section would be more appropriate for your questions.

I'll answer your queries here but if you come back please post any other questions in a more relevant section?

Please bear in mind that it is difficult to say what is correct or not without context. The same phrase would be correct in some situations and incorrect in others.

1st- "There is no sense in...." (I would use this one) yes correct or "There is no sense on..." no, usually incorrect

2nd- "It made you be mistaken" incorrect

3rd- "I hope to pass on september" incorrect. in September. Please not that proper nouns such as month names always have capital letters.

4th- "He drove us the railway station" (is not necessary to write "to the railway station?" I am very confused with this one as my dictionaries write as an example in all of them : "He drove me home" what sounds nice to me but not my own example...) You do need 'to' the railway station. It is incorrect without. The word 'home' is unusual in a couple of its uses.

5th- "We had some time in order to sleep"--> can I short it just saying "we had some time to sleep" showing purpose? Or should I use "for" instead of "to"? Hard to say without context.

6th- Should I say "next day" or "following day"? I think it is far better the first one but I see nothing wrong in the other one. We can't say without context. Usually means the same thing.

my report... please, I need help!

YOUNGSTERS AND ENTERTAINMENT

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