Anonymous Posted 15 years ago
Grammar
My opening sentence
Use systematic assessments on patients to maximize the detection of illnesses and injuries in a way that prioritizes a patients needs in the order of importance of vital functions necessary for sustaining life.
Okay, this sounds like a run on sentence to me. I'm tired of using multiple short sentences to complete a thought. So I'm here to make it right.
My first question. What makes this a run on sentence?
Alternatives I've thought of.
Use systematic assessments on patients to maximize the detection of illnesses and injuries in a way that prioritizes a patients needs in the order of importance vital to sustaining life.
If......vital to sustaining life cannot be added. I suppose I could drop it.
Use systematic assessments on patients to maximize the detection of illnesses and injuries in a way that prioritizes a patients needs in the order of importance for survival.
Can anyone think of a better way to word the ranking part of the sentence. The idea I want to convey is the ranking system. In order of importance for sustaining life. An example would be The problem of not breathing vs. a sprained ankle.
thanks for the help guys.
Okay, this sounds like a run on sentence to me. I'm tired of using multiple short sentences to complete a thought. So I'm here to make it right.
My first question. What makes this a run on sentence?
Alternatives I've thought of.
Use systematic assessments on patients to maximize the detection of illnesses and injuries in a way that prioritizes a patients needs in the order of importance vital to sustaining life.
If......vital to sustaining life cannot be added. I suppose I could drop it.
Use systematic assessments on patients to maximize the detection of illnesses and injuries in a way that prioritizes a patients needs in the order of importance for survival.
Can anyone think of a better way to word the ranking part of the sentence. The idea I want to convey is the ranking system. In order of importance for sustaining life. An example would be The problem of not breathing vs. a sprained ankle.
thanks for the help guys.
Top answer
The original is not a run-on sentence; it is just awkward. You have improved it with your changes. I suggest that more can be done: Assess patients systematically to maximize the detection of illnesses and injuries and prioritize the patient's needs in the order of importance of vital functions.
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The original is not a run-on sentence; it is just awkward. You have improved it with your changes. I suggest that more can be done:
Assess patients systematically to maximize the detection of illnesses and injuries and prioritize the patient's needs in the order of importance of vital functions.
('necessary for sustaining life' = vital)
Assess patients systematically to maximize the detection of illnesses and injuries and prioritize the patient's needs in the order of importance of vital functions.
('necessary for sustaining life' = vital)
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Wow, your enhancement sounds much better to the ear as well. thank you for the quick reply.
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