my lyrics

Question

Hi! I've written a few songs in english. Now I would like to ask you to correct them where needed, because I am aware of the fact, that something that sounds good for me (and matches the music) may not be grammatically correct. So here's the first text: (is it understandable?)

"I'm sure you know there are days,
When sun shines all the time.
There's no better place to be
Than next to you in such a moment.
Bright smile on your face.
Nice thoughts in your head.
Everyone could be jealous
Of your happiness.

Sometimes I just feel like a child among the crowd,
Looking around, almost crying.
I can see only strangers passing by
And nobody asks me what it's all about.

So thank you for being with me then.
Thank you for cheering me up.
Thank you for holding my hand.
I want to thank you...

I'm sure you also know there are days you want to forget.
Dark clouds over your head and everything goes wrong.
You feel like the last one, you know you've failed again.
You're about to give up. Will you do it or not?"

Francesca · Accepted Answer

Hi Fishelli! I don't see any mistake (but I'm not a native speaker, so I could be wrong). Anyway don't worry about it too much, consider that even English and American bands need to make some mistakes in order to match the words with music! So, feel free to do some mistakes in lyrics sometimes <img class='emoticon' style='Width:19px;Height:19px;' data-delaysrc='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' src='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' alt='Emotion: smile'/>

Mister Micawber · Answer

Correct grammar is not a requirement of song lyrics, Fishelli. I have underlined a couple of parts that sound odd:

I'm sure you know there are days,
When sun shines all the time.
There's no better place to be
Than next to you in such a moment.
Bright smile on your face.
Nice thoughts in your head.
Everyone could be jealous
Of your happiness.

Fishelli · Answer

I guess it may be better using "everyone can be jealous" instead of "everyone could be jealous"? Or is it something else odd in this part?

"When sun shines all the time." - what's odd in this one? There are some cloudy/rainy days when you can hardly see sun shining and there are sunny days. That's my explanation: a day "when sun shines all the time" is simply a "sunny day" (e.g. without rain), isnt't it?

Mister Micawber · Answer

I suggest

When the sun shines all the time.

Everyone will be jealous
Of your happiness.

Fishelli · Answer

Thanks for the suggestion.

Fishelli · Answer

OK, so here's the next song text for you to check:

1.
"The sun goes its normal way
Passing clouds on the sky
And I can't force myself
To get you out of my mind.

Many miles on my shoes
Many days since you're gone
And I still can't get used
To being alone

Oh tell me that it's only a nightmare
Wake me up before I quit
You know you're my one and only
No other like you...

Leaves fall on the ground
All around just naked trees
And I can't take the life
Just as it is

People running their own ways
They don't care, 'cause they can't see
And I thougt I saw...
You next to me

Oh tell me that you're not an illusion
Take my hand and say you're back for good
We'll start our common life story
That never ends..."

...and another one:

2.
"Hello, it's me again
Maybe it's hard to understand
I know it's been a long time now
But you never know what can happen in your life

I'm back and I hope you're here
You had to wait so long beacuse of my fear
I know there is so much to do
So many things I should have done but I didn't do...

It's time to stop and think again
Because life always changes your plan
A bit of luck, faith in your heart
Is there a chance for another start?

Forgive me all this absent time
Believe me you were always on my mind.
I failed when you thought I won't
How could this happen? It was just my fault.
Would you let me look in your eyes once more?
Or maybe you will shut for me your door?
I wonder maybe it's my fate
But I hope that it's still not too late...

In the evening I bought some flowers, I held 'em in my hand
Why I was waiting for hours - I still can't understand

But when you came I realized what you mean to me
I made up my mind ...and suddenly...

If you want to hear the ending - there's not much to do
You'll have to write it, because it depends on you..."

What do you think about these lyrics? Are they understandable to you? Do they need any corrections?
I wrote these songs a few years ago and now I want to play/sing them with the band. Before I do it I want to make sure that lyrics I've created are in English instead of English-style language that only I understand... I hope you know what I mean.
So thank you for your comments.

Mister Micawber · Answer

Yes, they are fine. I would change these:

And I can't take ~~the~~ life
And I thought I saw
That will never end..
You had to wait so long because of my fear
I failed when you thought I wouldn't
Or maybe you'll shut your door on me?

Fishelli · Answer

Thanks!

my lyrics

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