My cover letter!

Question

Hi everybody! Here is my cover letter: I have to send it to the director of a brokerage firm I knew some months ago; I would want to make it more elegant... Can you help me?
Thank you!!!!!

Dear Mr. XXXXXX,

I had the opportunity to attend the meeting you managed last October, during the XXXX Expo in , on (Name of the company's) certificates, and had the pleasure of speaking with you for a while after the meeting.

My name is XXXX XXXX and I am currently completing a nine months internship at (Name of the company), (Name of the division) Division. I am part of the (Name of the team) team, working directly with Senior Brokers and assisting them in their activities.

The reason why I am writing you is that I have a strong interest in markets and investment products, and I would consider a position strictly related to these subjects, especially in a firm like (Name of the company): that is the reason why I would appreciate if you considered my curriculum vitae.

I look forward to hearing from you. Should you have any question, do not hesitate to contact me.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Sincerely,

(My name and surname)

26TMNTJG2PG · Accepted Answer

Dear Mr. ***,
I had the opportunity to attend the meeting you ~~managed~~ conducted last October, during the *** Expo in Milan, on (Name of the company's) certificates, and had the pleasure of speaking with you for a while after the meeting.

My name is *** *** and I am currently completing a nine months' internship at (Name of the company), (Name of the division) Division. I am part of the (Name of the team) team, working directly with Senior Brokers and assisting them in their activities.

The reason why I am to writing you is that I have a strong interest in markets and investment products, and I would ~~consider~~ hope for a position strictly related to these subjects, especially in a firm like (Name of the company): that is ~~the reason~~ why I would appreciate it very much if you would considered my curriculum vitae.

I look forward to hearing from you. Should you have any question, do not hesitate to contact me.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Anonymous · Answer

Thank you!
Yesterday I had lunch with an English colleague, I made him read my letter and he gave me these suggestions: what do you think about them?

Dear Mr. ***,

I had the opportunity to attend the meeting you hosted on ************** last October, during the ******** Expo in Milan, and I had the pleasure of speaking with you for a while after the meeting.

My name is ************ *******and I am currently completing a nine month internship at *******, in the ********** Division. I am part of the ************ team, working directly with senior Bankers and assisting them in their activities.

The reason I am writing to you is that I have a strong interest in markets and investment products, and I am looking for a position which is more closely related to these areas, especially at a firm like *********. I would appreciate if you could take the time to consider my curriculum vitae.

Should you have any questions, do not hesitate to contact me. I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Yours sincerely

********** *********

26TMNTJG2PG · Answer

The suggestions are good. It is always better to have a face to face interaction when clarifications can be sought for the use of the most appropriate words.

Perhaps, the first paragraph can be slightly improved as follows:-

I had the opportunity ~~to attend~~ of attending the meeting you hosted on ** last October, during the ** Expo in Milan, and ~~I had~~ the pleasure of speaking with you for a while after the meeting.

Wish you all the best.

Sharleenandrea · Answer

Thank you! I'll follow your advice!

Anonymous · Answer

Hi!

I noticed that you frequently use "I am + to + gerund". I rather would use "I am + gerund".

For istance, you wrote "I am to writing you" instead of "I am writing you".

I would really appreciate if anyone could answer to the following two questions:

1) Why do you prefer to use "I am + to + gerund"?

2) Should I use "I am to applying for the position" instead of "I am applying for the position"?

Thank you kindly in advance for your consideration.

Enrico

Tanit · Answer

AnonymousFor istance, you wrote "I am to writing you" instead of "I am writing you".

Hi

You need "I am writing to you" in British English or "I am writing you" in American English. (I hope the latter is correct... I'm used to BrE!)

I don't think you can ever have I am to + -ing form, but sometimes to works as a preposition, and must be followed by a gerund. Some examples:

I am looking forward to seeing you.
I am used to working hard.
I object to working late in the night.

If you need to know more about these, you'd better post a new thread and hope Cool Breeze stops and helps.

Anonymous · Answer

Hi. I have a master's in education and a master in humanities. You need to say, "I would appreciate it ......" Carole in Umatilla

26TMNTJG2PG · Answer

"I am to writing you" is definitely wrong. It should be "I am writing to you". The original poster noticed it as shown in the re-draft. As such, I did not bother to make a correction. Thank you, Enrico, for pointing out. If possible, please let me know all other such incidents which are purely fat-fingering mistakes.

“I don't think you can ever have I am to + -ing form, but sometimes to works as a preposition, and must be followed by a gerund. Some examples:

I am looking forward to seeing you.

I am used to working hard.

I object to working late in the night.” – Agreed in toto.

“You need to say, "I would appreciate it ......" - Agreed but “it” is very commonly left out as understood.

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