Motivation letter for germany embassy

Question

hi,i have big problem with motivation letter , that's very hard for me, i write it one, but i'm not sure that is good letter or not ? some one can help me in this matter ?below is my letter, reading that , and please say me that what do u think about that, where is not correct , and where must be edited.tnx.Dear Madam or Sir, My name is XX and I am applying for long term student visa in order to complete my studies (Bachelor's degree) in Electro technical Engineering.I successfully completed my A.S degree in Telecommunication (Switching Center) at X Telecommunication Industries (XX), Science and Technology Education Center (XX).I worked as Cell Phone Repair Technician since 2009 and really liked that and have learnt a great deal from it. But I would also like to further my knowledge of the Electro technical Industry by study in university. Also now, I working As English and German Tour Guide (about 3 years) in XX. I interested to continue my job in my country after my education. That's really good job and fun. But I need also to continue my education, because Electro technical Engineering is my favorite field and Germany is very well in this field in the World and there are so many universities that I am interested to study at that, for example university of  Kassel. One of the reasons that I would prefer to study at university of Kassel is because of the excellent quality of instructors as well as the performance of its graduates. In future at this field and with the certificate from Germany universities, I can work as an Engineer at the famous Industrial & Commercial Electrical Installations in the World. But I wouldn't stop it on that level and I will to continue my education to PhD by gaining further ground as to acquire and refine my abilities at the university.Below is a list of the documents that I have attached to my visa application.Enclosures (2 copies):Long Term Visa form (Resident Permit form)Passport copyPhotosCV (Resume)Letter of invitation from University of KasselB1 (ZD) Goethe Institute certificateFinancial documents (Bank statement)Copy of my educational degreesHealth insuranceI humbly request you to consider my application and grant me a student visa to pursue my bachelor's degree in Germany.Sincerely yours,XX

Emily Alexander · Accepted Answer

Hi,

I have a few suggestions for you. Some are grammatical (mostly minor mistakes with articles) and some relate to the phrasing of your letter. I hope they help, and good luck!

Emily.

1.) Dear Sir or Madam (Sir is normally first)
2.) ... I am applying for a long term student visa...
3.) ... I have worked as a Cell phone repair...
4.) ... would also like to further my knowledge of the Electro Technical Industry by studying at University ...
5.) I am interested in continuing my job...
6.) “That`s really good job and fun` - I think this sounds too informal and is also a bit oddly phrased.
7.) Favourite not `favourite`.
8.) `Germany is very well in this field in the World`. – change to something like: `Germany is at the forefront of this industry`
9.) There are many universities where I am interested in studying, including the University of Kassel, which has high quality instructors and excellent prospects for its graduates.
10.) With a qualification from a German university I will be able to work as an Engineer at some of the most prestigious Industrial and Commercial Electrical companies in the world. I also plan to continue my education to PHD level.
11.) `...by gaining further ground as to acquire and refine my abilities at the university.` - delete.

Schokap · Answer

Thanks a lot Emily Alexander.
Really thank you so much for all your help.

Anonymous · Answer

thanks

Emily Alexander · Answer

You`re welcome, and good luck!

Anonymous · Answer

You are very perfect in what you do.

Anonymous · Answer

ThanQ!

Class class 6 · Answer

Hi.I write a motivation letter for germane embassy,about job seeker.

Please help me about it. I think it's not enough and there are a lot of grammatical mistakes on it .please help me????????????

Dear sir/madam

My name is xxxxx. I am 28 years old.I've really liked physic and l started to study that in Arak university since 2007.

I've loved physic ,because it can answer to my question about cosmos.

I've could work whit ICDL ,so I worked in a company (2011_2012)

I graduated in 2012.I've known English language,so I could teach English in an institution (2012_2013)

I've liked physic ,and l've been powerful to manage students.so I've started to teach physic.

I learned a lot of theories in university and I've searched to get an opportunity to work whit them.But,unfortunately,there aren't any positions for physic experts in Iran except teaching.

I've researched a lot,I've understood,Germany is an industrial country.there are some positions for physic experts.

I hope I will go to Germany and I will work here ,and I will be useful.

Physic is really existing.It can build all sciences and it is really necessary for industry.

I am eager work in Germany such as expert and I will use all of my abilities.

I am eager to learn new things and I am going to continue my education about physic.

I am hard worker and I am able to manage and adapt my self in hard situations.

I hope I can go to Germany and I will be useful.

Motivation letter for germany embassy

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