I've no-one to read my motivation letter :][

Question

Hello, I'm sorry to pollute this forum with yet an another motivation letter, but I'm not english and none of my friends are. Practically no-one can read my LoM to comment and I've been through it way too many times. Could someone please give ANY feedback?

Oh and I have no idea who the "sir/madam" may be, as this is for a web recruitment-form.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to submit my application for an IT job in ---your-company---.

I have been studying informatics at the University ------------- for the past two years and have come to like my major a lot. I am really interested in this field and am successful at it. Programming has evolved into a hobby for me. Whether it is making modifications for computer games, or writing small programs to automate tedious everyday tasks, I get quite a lot of amusement from it. Furthermore, coding isn’t my only strong side. Networking is one of my favorite subjects too; however no education is complete without experience.

I was very thrilled to learn about Your corporation and that it hired employees to work at -~~client_ompany~~-. Having a position there, would be my best imaginable job currently. Not to even mention the obvious benefits, (a job that is closely related to my major; working for a prosperous international corporation) it is my former place of employment. I have previously worked as an operator at -~~client_ompany~~- for half a year. I quit, however, because the job was dull and repetitive. I loved the atmosphere and it was very near where I live, but the job had hardly anything for me to offer. Neither was I actually looking for something; mainly I just wanted to try myself out.

That, on the other hand, is not the case now. I wish to start my career and this seems to be the best opportunity.

If you would consider hiring me, I know I would prove a worthwhile investment. As I have mentioned, I am accustomed with the specific software -~~client_ompany~~- uses, so the learning curve would be much easier. I am sure to satisfy and overwhelm your expectations should you give me a chance. I feel confident, able and stubborn enough to take on any task and bring it to completion.

Hopefully looking forward to your positive reply,

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

I have cut out the entire section of your previous unfortunate employment with that company; do not mention that until the interview. I have also eliminated some repititions of eagerness and desire-- these become tedious to the reader. What is left (below), accompanying your curriculum vitae, should be sufficient:

Dear Sir or Madam:

I would like to submit my application for an IT position with ---your-company---.

I have been studying informatics at the University of ------------- for the past two years. I am particularly interested in this field and I think I am proficient at it. Programming has evolved into a full-time activity for me. Whether it is making modifications for computer games or writing small programs to automate tedious everyday tasks, I get quite a lot of satisfaction from it. Coding is not my only strong point; networking is another favorite subject.

No education is complete without experience, and I am very thrilled to discover your corporation. Should you hire me, I know I would prove a worthwhile investment. I am already accustomed to working with the specific software your company uses, and I feel confident, able and stubborn enough to take on any task and bring it to completion.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration. I look forward the possibility of your positive reply.
Yours faithfully,

Anonymous · Answer

I have cut out the entire section of your previous unfortunate employment with that company; do not mention that until the interview.
Well I woudn't call it unfortunate, I just worked for the same company some time ago and that was important to point out IMO. It was a lame job BTW, I worked mainly for the money (I'm a student). It had no career oportunities, no bonuses, no nothing :/. The company I'm applying to is being hired by the ~~client company~~. I previously worked for another company that was hired by the same ~~client company~~. It's a little complicated

I like most of the corrections you did (thank you VERY much), but I still believe the job thing should be brought up. Perhaps here:

Should you hire me, I know I would prove a worthwhile investment. I am already accustomed to working with the specific software your company uses, as I have worked at ~~client company~~ before and I feel confindent, able and stubborn enough to take on any task and bring it to completion.

I've no-one to read my motivation letter :][

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