Moon7296 Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
His father wil be ~ if he knows he is...
1. Tommy Whilhelm is concerned about his look only for his sake because his father will be worried if he knows about his son's state of unemployment.
I wrote that sentence.
I found it not good so I thought about a new construction.
2. Tommy Whilhelm is concerned about his look only for his sake because his father will be worried if he knows he(Tommy) is unemployed
But I still don't think it's good because 'he' underlined may be understood as 'tommy's father' or another reasons.
Could you improve the sentence please? if possible?
I wrote that sentence.
I found it not good so I thought about a new construction.
2. Tommy Whilhelm is concerned about his look only for his sake because his father will be worried if he knows he(Tommy) is unemployed
But I still don't think it's good because 'he' underlined may be understood as 'tommy's father' or another reasons.
Could you improve the sentence please? if possible?
Top answer
'He' is not confusing. The father would inevitably know if he was unemployed himself! A bigger problem is 'his look for his sake': what is that supposed to mean?
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'He' is not confusing. The father would inevitably know if he was unemployed himself! A bigger problem is 'his look for his sake': what is that supposed to mean?
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Ok.
'His look for his sake' is intended to mean Tommy cared about his appearance for his father.
I might have gone too far to paraphrase it
'His look for his sake' is intended to mean Tommy cared about his appearance for his father.
I might have gone too far to paraphrase it
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Short context of this is Tommy lost his job. He does not want his father to know about it. That is why he tries not to wear bad appearance(look?), otherwise his father may notice his unemployment.
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OK, then – something like this:
Tommy Whilhelm is concerned about appearances because his father will be worried if he finds out he is unemployed.
Tommy Whilhelm is concerned about appearances because his father will be worried if he finds out he is unemployed.
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Hi
I think I agree with Moon - it's a difficult sentence because the male pronouns are doing a lot of work. My best attempt is..
- Tommy Whilhelm is concerned about his appearance for his father's sake: he's concerned that his father will find out that he's unemployed and worry about him.
Dave
I think I agree with Moon - it's a difficult sentence because the male pronouns are doing a lot of work. My best attempt is..
- Tommy Whilhelm is concerned about his appearance for his father's sake: he's concerned that his father will find out that he's unemployed and worry about him.
Dave
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