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I am about to take an English exam two months from now. And so, as a preparation I am self studying. Can anyone help me in correcting my letter? And give me some advise on how to improve it more. Thanks

You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a nearby town.

Write a letter to the shop and ask if they have the things you want or whether they will be able to order them. Ask what the prices are and how long they will be able to hold the goods for you.

Dear Sir,
I am Kath Smith from a nearby town and I just recently moved in. I am writing this letter in correspondence to my plan of buying electrical goods for my new apartment.
As you may know moving in was not that easy especially when your place still requires some furnishing. I would like to know if it is possible for me to order a flat screen 22"inch television and 2 night lamps for my children's room. Furthermore, may I know how much everything will cost and how long you can hold it for me since I will be going somewhere this weekend.
I hope you will have time to consider my letter and audit everything as soon as I get back on Monday. I look forward hearing from you soon.
Yours faithfully,
Kath Smith

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Sharneth Shari BarcelaI am about to take an English exam two months from now. And so, as a preparation I am self studying. Can anyone help me in correcting my letter? And give me some advise on how to improve it more. Thanks

A few things I would like to share:
Based on your letter, if I am moving to another place and I need to buy a basic toaster, can opener, hairdryer, refridgerator and etc. I prefer " I want or need to buy.....". That said, "would like to " certainly is acceptable but it is lesser in terms of degrees, and also in most English speaking countries, these items are called " electrical appliances ". If you have a 60" LED, or a 6:1 surround sound theater system, they are called " home entertainment elctronics". Just so that you know the difference. As far as writing is concerned, each writer has his unique style, but a few elements must be present, which are clarity, fluency, semantics and continuity, not necessarily in that ordewr. Try to make a clear delivery without being overly wordy. My suggestions are in blue.

You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a nearby town.
You want to buy a few electrical appliances from a store in a town nearby.

Dear Sir,
My name is Kath Smith and I have recently moved in from another town /city. I am writing to you in regard to my need to purchase a few electrical items for my new apartment.

As you may agree, moving can be very streesful, especially when you have to get new furnishing for you new place. I would like to know if I can order a 22" flat screeninch television and 2 night lamps from you store for my children's room. Please let me know ( by text) how much the total is and how soon they will ship the items as I will not be available this weekend to receive the shipment. Thank you for your time and I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Note: Generally when making a requests, it is polite to say " I would like to know.." not, " I want to know..." .
However, there are times when the situations call for a strong conviction, i.e. I want to draw my boss's face on a paper and use for dart practice!

Anonymous · Answer

Thank you so much for your help!

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