HELP! I wish feedback on my motivation letter

Hello all wonderful members!

I am lucky because I found this community by chance, it seems to be a great place!

I am writing a motivation letter for an organization offering a full-year scholarship at an U.S. top unversity. (The application also includes a resume a study plan and two letters of recomendation.) I would really appreciate if a native speaking person could read though my letter. I especially find it tricky with the prepositions and where to put the commas!

My outline for the letter is this:
1) Essential background, and short argumentaion
2) Why I am applying; my motivation, my study plan, how it connects to my studies
3) Why I, as a person, am the perfect represent for organization
4) Conclusion

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Sirs and Madams;

Here I am; an open-minded Swedish-speaking young Finnish woman. I am studying for a master’s degree in Mathematics with a specialization in teacher’s training at the Faculty of Mathematics & Natural Sciences at the University XX. I always wanted to incorporate an international experience into my degree; however, the moment has not been right until now. Receiving one of the scholarship offered by the YY Organization would make it possible for me to participate in the degree program called the “Joint Master’s Degree in Mathematics and Education” at the University ZZ. Courses in this program would definitely provide my degree with an individual profundity and to have been studying at one of the top U.S. universities is a notable experience for the future.

I am now studying for the fifth year, I have a strong academic background and my plan is to have completed all courses in the main and minor subjects by the end of this academic year. During the academic year 2006-2007 my intention is to take some additional advanced courses and write my master’s thesis. I am contented with my choice of study field. I have worked full time as a teacher’s substitute for one semester and it was a very positive experience. Topics on mathematics education and how a young person develops his or her mathematical thinking are engaging me. In five years I picture myself working professionally with these issues, it is very likely that I am doing research. At the University ZZ I intend to participate in courses from the “Joint Master’s Degree in Mathematics and Education” program. There are special courses focusing exactly on this special area of mine and simultaneously this program will give me the chance to interact with other like-minded students in intercontinental environment. Since I also would participate in the program representing the good Finnish reputation in mathematics, I am convinced that I could contribute to broaden their international point of view as well.

I describe myself as a social, positive and ambitious person. Furthermore my personality shows a big sense of responsibility and consideration. I easy adapt myself to new situations and I only regard it as multi-faceted experience to study and live at a big campus. I have been volunteering one year as a tutor for exchange students coming to Finland so I am quite familiar with what one might come across abroad. I enjoy meeting new people and get acquainted with other cultures. I particularly hope to befriend native speaking people in order to improve my English skills in a natural way. As link in the chain, this would also facilitate the work on my master’s thesis, since I opt to write it in English. I am an active person with a lot of energy and a big passion for nature and outdoor sports so the region of Madison with its magnificent nature is an ideal place.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely yours,

Emilia