116687 Posted 18 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Give me some advise, make it more fluent!
my teacher always says my essays are not native! so give me some suggestions!
Moreover, the University of XXX is not the ending of my dream, but a beginning of the new one. I will show my best performance in my academic performance, and enrich the school-life. Above all, I will prepare to catch another dream--work in the Wall Street. Though it is hard, I will keep on trying. After getting 3-5 years’ experience, I will come back to colleges to study in business schools. Because both experiences and knowledge are needed when I am going to get a better "status" and start my own business. Then, I will return to my country, China, and make great effort to get this county more beautiful!
Moreover, the University of XXX is not the ending of my dream, but a beginning of the new one. I will show my best performance in my academic performance, and enrich the school-life. Above all, I will prepare to catch another dream--work in the Wall Street. Though it is hard, I will keep on trying. After getting 3-5 years’ experience, I will come back to colleges to study in business schools. Because both experiences and knowledge are needed when I am going to get a better "status" and start my own business. Then, I will return to my country, China, and make great effort to get this county more beautiful!
Top answer
I work for an online editing and proofreading service. Please see my profile for more info. Here's how I would revise your paragraph Attending the University of *** is not my only goal, but the first in many goals I have.
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I work for an online editing and proofreading service. Please see my profile for more info. Here's how I would revise your paragraph
Attending the University of *** is not my only goal, but the first in many goals I have. At the university, I plan on performing well in my classes and participating fully in school life. After graduation I want to work on Wall Street, though I realize this
Attending the University of *** is not my only goal, but the first in many goals I have. At the university, I plan on performing well in my classes and participating fully in school life. After graduation I want to work on Wall Street, though I realize this
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