Feedback and Score for IELTS Writing Task 2

Please correct my essay and give me some advice on how to have good ideas for the task. Thank you!

----------------------------------

Smart devices have put all of the world’s information at our fingertips. What are the drawbacks of this development?

In today's world it's much easier for people to gain information thanks to the existence of technology. By using computers or smartphones we can easily access to up-to-date news and find the information we need. Despite its convenience, the development of smart devices has raised some critical drawbacks. The increasing of fake news and lost privacy will prove this.

Firstly, information online is able to spread incredibly quickly in a short amount of time. However, there are only a few sources that has been verified and the rest are often inaccurate and copied from others. A good example of this is the false news about the death of celebrities. This kind of information often spread rapidly in online platforms such as Facebook and Youtube and has misled many people. Thus it is hard for us to avoid misinformation and find a reliable source when reading online.

Additionally, smart devices have made people lost their privacy. For instance, there was a student in my country who was recorded when doing an embarrassing activity. After that video was uploaded there were a lot of people teasing at him, some of them even criticized his ridiculous action and that caused him severe depression. As this example shows, it is clear that modern technology's ability to instantly spread information can have negative effects and consequences on people.

In conclusion, although smart devices give a great help in finding information, these devices still have a huge downside in terms of reliability and privacy. It might take a long time for the government to find a way to solve these problems.