Drafting recommendations? Job application letter!

Question

Hi people! I'm pretty new on the forum but so far I think it's awesome!

Maybe some of you can take a look to this job application letter I'm writing for a job in Germany.

Since English is not my mother tong I'm pretty sure I have many mistakes. I hope you can help me!

Thanks in advanced!!

Name
Address
City, State, Zip Code
Phone Number
Email

Skype username

Mai, 2011

Dear Contact Person:

I am pleased to contact you with the aim of presenting myself and offer my services as a diploma holder in International Business Administration (Europa-Universität Viadrina, Frankfurt /Oder, Germany) and as a BA in Business Administration (Universidad Católica de Córdoba, Argentina).

I am writing to apply for the mmmmm position advertised in the mmmmm. As requested, I am attaching my resume.

After several years of training I consider I have enough knowledge and specially the desire of meeting the challenges of the dynamic and complex world in which we live. I believe I have managed to acquire the ability to work in teams and I have a flexible personality and adaptable to changes. My intercultural vision, as a result of travels and one year out of my motherland, in some way, endorse these statements.

I reached an advanced level of English and I speak German in a basic level but I am on my way to improve it. Right now I’m attending to classes in the Goethe Institute.

From an early age I had a strong interest in computer science so I am always at the forefront in regard to information systems and multimedia edition.

The above makes me consider qualified for this position because… (customize depending on the position)

I am currently in charge of the administrative area of the SME "Distribuidora Arroyito”, a food distributor located in the city of Cordoba. I am responsible for the analysis of the economic and financial situation. I'm in charge of the pricing process and the payment of wages as well. And, since the company had a spontaneous growth in the last years, process reengineering and standardization are things that are required from me.

Right now I am seeking for a job that presents a challenge to bring everything I have learned and in the meanwhile, continuing to improve in the academic and professional sense.

I consider myself in possession of a great capacity for learning and for carrying out the tasks that I intended to comply.

I am available for an interview where I can answer any questions and go deep on my profiles information. Since I am currently in Argentina, I suggest doing this by video-conferencing or telephone.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to speaking with you about this employment opportunity.

Sincerely,

Nicolás Caramella (24 years old)

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Welcome to the Forums!

I offer a few comments and suggestions on your cover letter. I did not make a lot of detailed edits because you might want to rewrite certain parts.

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May, 2011

Dear Contact Person:
I am pleased to contact you with the aim of presenting (introducing is better) myself and offering my services as a diploma holder in International Business Administration (Europa-Universität Viadrina, Frankfurt /Oder, Germany) and as a BA in Business Administration (Universidad Católica de Córdoba, Argentina).

Comments:

a) "offering services" is offering a contractural relationship, not to be hired as an employee.

b) "diploma holder" is a rather strange phrase. "graduate of/in" is more commonly used.

I am writing to apply for the mm position advertised in the mm. As requested, I am attaching my resume.

After several years of training I consider I have enough knowledge and especially the desire of meeting the challenges of the dynamic and complex world in which we live. I believe I have managed to acquire the ability to work in teams and I have a flexible personality and adaptable to changes. My intercultural vision, as a result of travels and one year out of my motherland, in some way, endorse these statements.

Comments:

a) I consider / I believe / I have managed

is not very convincing language. You prove points by citing specific experiences and let the reader draw their own conclusions. What training specifically do you have (that relates to the position)?

b) "I have managed to acquire the ability to work in teams". This sounds like you had great trouble getting along with other people, but, with some difficulty, developed that ability.

I reached an advanced level of English (give a test score or some indication) and I speak German on a basic level but I am on my way to improve it. Right now I’m attending to classes in the Goethe Institute.
From an early age I had a strong interest in computer science so I am always at the forefront in regard to information systems and multimedia edition (not sure what you mean here - an edition is a particular version of a book).
The above makes me consider qualified for this position (qualifies me for this position) because… (customize depending on the position)
I am currently in charge of the administrative area (finance department?) of the SME "Distribuidora Arroyito”, a food distributor located in the city of Cordoba. I am responsible for the analysis of the economic and financial situation (position?). I'm in charge of the pricing process and the payment of wages as well. And, since the company had a spontaneous (? spontaneous means without any reason. Do you mean rapid?) growth in the last years, process reengineering and standardization (developing standards?) are things that are required from me. (my tasks have included process reengineering and developing standards.)

Comment: This paragraph is very good, so put it before all those very general statements.
Right now I am seeking for a job that presents a challenge to bring everything I have learned and in the meanwhile, continuing to improve in the academic and professional sense.
I consider myself in possession of a great capacity for learning and for carrying out the tasks that I intended to comply. (see comments above)

I am available for an interview where I can answer any questions and go into depth on my personal information. Since I am currently in Argentina, I suggest doing this by video-conferencing or telephone.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to speaking with you about this employment opportunity.
Sincerely,
Nicolás Caramella (24 years old)

Brank87 · Answer

I'm so thanksfull for your help!! I've checked what you said and I've changed some parts...

Do you think it's too long? Would you just delete some parts?

Thanks again for your advices!

Mai, 2011

Dear Contact Person:

I am pleased to contact you with the aim of introducing myself as a graduate in International Business Administration (Europa-Universität Viadrina, Frankfurt /Oder, Germany) and as a BA in Business Administration (Universidad Católica de Córdoba, Argentina).

I am writing to apply for the mmmmm position advertised in the mmmmm. As requested, I am attaching my resume.

After several years of training I have the desire of facing the challenges of the dynamic and complex world in which we live. My whole career has been oriented to teamwork and to work under pressure. I have a flexible personality, which makes me adaptable to changes. My intercultural vision, as a result of travels and one year out of my motherland, in some way, endorse these statements. Would you write this paragraph??

Right now I am seeking for a job that presents a challenge to bring everything I have learned and in the meanwhile, continuing to improve in the academic and professional sense.

I consider myself in possession of a great capacity for learning and for carrying out the tasks that I intended to comply.

I reached an advanced level of English (diploma degree and thesis in English) and I speak German on a basic level but I am on my way to improve it. Right now I am doing a course in the Goethe Institute.

From an early age I had a strong interest in computer science so I am always at the forefront in regard to information systems and multimedia editing.

The above qualifies me for this position because… (customize depending on the position)

I am currently in charge of the Administrative Department ?? / Operations Support??? of the SME "Distribuidora Arroyito”, a food distributor located in the city of Cordoba. I am responsible for the analysis of the economic and financial position. I'm in charge of the pricing process and the payment of wages as well. And, since the company had a rapid growth in the last years, my tasks have included process reengineering and standardization.

I am available for an interview where I can answer any questions and go into depth on my personal information. Since I am currently in Argentina, I suggest doing this by video-conferencing or telephone.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to speaking with you about this employment opportunity.

Sincerely,

AlpheccaStars · Answer

I don't know your situation, but infer from your letter that you are working in a small, but fast-growing company, and are seeking a broadening international experience.

The points I would make in such a cover letter would be something along these lines:

Because my company is small, I have had a wide range of opportunities to put my formal education into practice. I have done administrative and financial tasks such as economic analyses and preparation of balance sheets, payroll processing, and product pricing strategy and inplementation. Because my company grew very fast, our manufacturing and customer support processes had to change to keep up with the demand. I was enthusiastic to apply the principles of business process reengineering, and statistical quality control to revamp *** processess and position the business for future growth. I applied my knowledge in computer science and technology. (Describe the impact of your tasks with an example or so.)

But now I have reached my potential in my current assignment and am ready for new challenges. (Now here you can describe your ambitions.)

I have travelled abroad and studied both English and German which makes me well prepared for a job in Germany. (Describe your language abilities.)

I would delete all the general statements about flexibility, adaptability, etc. The reader learns from your wide range of tasks and accomplishments that you are flexible, and know how to learn and to apply what you learn. The best cover letters just make the skills and qualities obvious and don't need to make explicit claims with no substance.

Drafting recommendations? Job application letter!

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