Discuss the problem of unemployment among university graduates and offer possible solution.

Question

One of the most critical issues, which many university graduates are confronted with, nowadays is the increasing scale of unemployment among them. It is often due to the fat that more and more universities have been founded over recent years, their standard is not high enough and as a result employers are very cautious about employing its graduates.
Another couse of unem could be ramped up level of employers' requirements towards potential workers and young people.
One of the possible solutions to the problem mentioned above is to encourage entreprenours to hire young and well-educated people in their corporations and companies by means of advertising campaigns in the media, press etc.
Another way to deal with the problem is to increase faculties by sacking old, inefficient workers or by sending them to retirement.
However, the best idea to solve the problem of unemployment among university graduates is simply to adjust the curricula, having in mind the needs and requirements of employers and omit needless courses, so that students can focus on the most important and most practical courses.
The problem could also be solved by providing paid placements for the best university graduates, so the are be able to gain important experience and therefore are able to more employable.
To sum up there are several steps, which can obviously make the lives of university graduates easier in terms of looking for a good and well-paid job. The point to start with is the way and the standard of education, which remains in conflict with the employers' expectations.

Clive · Accepted Answer

Hi,

An essay should be organized into paragraphs (an introduction, a paragraph for each of your main points, and a conclusion).

This helps the reader to follow what you are saying, and also shows that you have an organized mind.

Would you like to try to do this, and then repost for further comments?

Clive

Omen1989 · Answer

the problem is that my text was indeed formated, but not knowing why, it lost its formatting while posting.

Clive · Answer

Hi,

Can you try to format it another way?

eg leave a blank line, or even a line of dashes, between paragraphs?

Clive

Omen1989 · Answer

One of the most critical issues, which many university graduates are confronted with, nowadays is the increasing scale of unemployment among them. It is often due to the fat that more and more universities have been founded over recent years, their standard is not high enough and as a result employers are very cautious about employing its graduates.

Another couse of unemployment could be ramped up level of employers' requirements towards potential workers and young people.

One of the possible solutions to the problem mentioned above is to encourage entreprenours to hire young and well-educated people in their corporations and companies by means of advertising campaigns in the media, press etc.

Another way to deal with the problem is to increase faculties by sacking old, inefficient workers or by sending them to retirement.

However, the best idea to solve the problem of unemployment among university graduates is simply to adjust the curricula, having in mind the needs and requirements of employers and omit needless courses, so that students can focus on the most important and most practical courses.

The problem could also be solved by providing paid placements for the best university graduates, so the are be able to gain important experience and therefore are able to more employable.

To sum up there are several steps, which can obviously make the lives of university graduates easier in terms of looking for a good and well-paid job. The point to start with is the way and the standard of education, which remains in conflict with the employers' expectations.

Clive · Answer

Hi,

Here are various edits, coments on your structure, and comments on your argument.

The most important of these matters is structure.

Ask if you have any questions about what I have written

Clive

One of the most critical issues, no comma which many university graduates are confronted with, no comma

try to use active voice where possible. It gives more simplicity and action to what you are saying.

eg which confronts many university graduates

nowadays is increasing unemployment. This is often due to the fact that more and more universities have been founded over recent years. In addition, their standards are not high enough and as a result employers are very cautious about employing their graduates.

I don't think this needs to be a separate paragraph. Also, avoid short, single-sentnce paragraphs

Another couse of unemployment could be <<< too tentative ramped up<<< too slangy level of employers' requirements towards potential workers and young people.

You were also asked to provide soluuions. I suggest you should briefly mention your solutions in your intro, before going on to discuss them in detail.

One of the possible solutions to the problem mentioned above (which one?) is to encourage entreprenours to hire young and well-educated people in their corporations and companies by means of advertising campaigns in the media, press etc. Don't use etc. in an essay.

Who would pay for these campaigns. And why should they?

Another way to deal with the problem is to increase faculties<<< wrong word by sacking old, inefficient workers <<< Why do you think old workers should be sacrificed? And are you implying that old peple are inefficient? Can you prove this? or by sending them to retirement.

However, the best idea to solve the problem of unemployment among university graduates is simply to adjust the curricula, having in mind the needs and requirements of employers, and to omit needless courses, so that students can focus on the most important and most practical courses.

The problem could can? also be solved by providing paid placements for the best university graduates, so they are able to gain important experience and therefore are able to more employable. Who should pay for this? Why?

To sum up,comma there are several steps, no comma which can obviously make the lives of university graduates easier in terms of looking for a good and well-paid job. The point to start with is the way and the standard of education, which remains in conflict with the employers' expectations.

Omen1989 · Answer

Clive
Another way to deal with the problem is to increase faculties< << wrong word by sacking old, inefficient workers <<< Why do you think old workers should be sacrificed? And are you implying that old peple are inefficient? Can you prove this? or by sending them to retirement.

So is vacancies good word?

Generally, i don't think that all old workers are inefficient but most of them have allready oportunity for getting their pensions (according to polish law) and despite this they still work getting sometimes both pension and salary and simultaneously the deprive young people of new potential post.

Clive · Answer

Hi,

So is vacancies good word? Yes. 'job vacancies'.

Generally, i don't think that all old workers are inefficient but that's what your senetnce made me think

but most of them have allready oportunity for getting their pensions (according to polish law) and despite this they still work getting sometimes both pension and salary and simultaneously the deprive young people of new potential post. Well, argue your position in a thoughtful way that does not sound like you simply think old people should be pushed to one side because the young are more important.

Clive

Discuss the problem of unemployment among university graduates and offer possible solution.

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