Huynguyen158 Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Could you please give me some advice on my essay?
Hi,
Here is my essay. Could you please give me some advice to improve it?
Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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People have different kinds of hobbies to spend their free time. Although tough hobbies might have some positive points, choosing an uncomplicated pursuit is much more reasonable.
Hobbies have the purpose of resting the mind and recharge the energy. This could fail to reach when doing activities that requires so many attempts, thereby increasing the tension for the entire body after a stressful day. In addition, one can derive fun easily and instantly from effortless pastimes such as: drawing, exercising or playing computer games, whereas for those who devote free time to difficult hobbies, the reverse may be true. For example: solving puzzles is hard to enjoy as compared to frolicking in the swimming pool on a hot day.
Besides, easy hobbies are more beneficial than just some stress-busters. First and foremost, they not only help people develop new skills from simple steps in the most exciting ways, but also could lead to a sense of accomplishment. This can turn out to be pleasure at the end of the day when people can relax and sleep soundly instead of accomplishing nothing but spin the wheels. Also, easy and simple activities are not boring but very delightful and safe while some pursuits taking great pains have many hidden risks. For instance: bungee jumping and scuba diving are the extreme sports that could put people into great danger or even kill them with just a single misstep with equipment or their own control.
In conclusion, taking up difficult activities for leisure time are not necessary when there are many constructive alternatives.
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Thank you very much!
Here is my essay. Could you please give me some advice to improve it?
Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
------------------------------------------------
People have different kinds of hobbies to spend their free time. Although tough hobbies might have some positive points, choosing an uncomplicated pursuit is much more reasonable.
Hobbies have the purpose of resting the mind and recharge the energy. This could fail to reach when doing activities that requires so many attempts, thereby increasing the tension for the entire body after a stressful day. In addition, one can derive fun easily and instantly from effortless pastimes such as: drawing, exercising or playing computer games, whereas for those who devote free time to difficult hobbies, the reverse may be true. For example: solving puzzles is hard to enjoy as compared to frolicking in the swimming pool on a hot day.
Besides, easy hobbies are more beneficial than just some stress-busters. First and foremost, they not only help people develop new skills from simple steps in the most exciting ways, but also could lead to a sense of accomplishment. This can turn out to be pleasure at the end of the day when people can relax and sleep soundly instead of accomplishing nothing but spin the wheels. Also, easy and simple activities are not boring but very delightful and safe while some pursuits taking great pains have many hidden risks. For instance: bungee jumping and scuba diving are the extreme sports that could put people into great danger or even kill them with just a single misstep with equipment or their own control.
In conclusion, taking up difficult activities for leisure time are not necessary when there are many constructive alternatives.
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Thank you very much!
Top answer
Hobbies have the purpose of resting one's mind and recharg ing one's energy. This purpose could be thwarted fail to reach when doing activities that require so many attempts, that increasing the tension in for the entire body after a stressful day increases. In addition, one can derive fun easily and instantly from effortless pastimes such as: drawing, exercising or playing computer games, whereas for those who devote free time to difficult hobbies, the reverse may be true.
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Hobbies have the purpose of resting one's mind and recharging one's energy. This purpose could be thwarted fail to reach when doing activities that require so many attempts, that increasing the tension in for the entire body after a stressful day increases.. In addition, one can derive fun easily and instantl
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Thank you very much, AlpheccaStars, but I still feel a little confused about some of your corrections. Here they are:
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AlpheccaStarsThis purpose could be thwarted fail to reach when doing activities that require so many attemptsIs the phrase "fail to reach" incorrect or is it just unnatural?
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AlpheccaStars
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huynguyen158Is the phrase "fail to reach" incorrect or is it just unnatural?I failed to reach my goals. OK
The purposes failed to reach??? Are purposes themselves trying to reach something? Do they exert energy and make plans?
huynguyen158- Is "stress relief" more formal or natural than "stress busters"?Stress-b
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