corrections

Question

0Hi, I'm wonder if the changes I've made to the following passage are OK. I'm sorry to repost but I thought it helped to shift the focus to my changes instead of the original grammar. Thanks.  02br02br00Yesterday after dinner, I went out for a stroll 01font00(02font01font00is there any difference if I say 'a walk'?)02font00 with my dog. I unlocked dog’s chain 01font00(I'd prefer, 'removed the leash' or even better 'unleashed him')02font00 so he can could roam freely  01font00(can I say, run around)02font00 and I was standing next to my car parked under a tree 01font00(personal preference 'standing under a tree next to my car').02font00 I heard a voice as if something is cracking 01font00(I suggest 'heard a cracking sound' - your phrase sounds like it turned out it wasn't a crack but it was),02font00 very thin sound as if it is coming came from very far away place 01font00(doesn't sound natrual to me, maybe 'afar').02font00 But then after a few seconds 01font00(I'd prefer 'A few seconds later')02font00 a huge branch of the tree 01font00(personal preference, 'a huge tree bracnh')02font00 fell just next to me01font00. (F)02font00or a moment I didn’t realised what happened. But after coming to senses lots of horrifying images conjured up in my mind and it made me very afraid.01font00 (I)f02font00 I had have been standing even an inch ahead that branch would have fell fallen on my head and it would have hit me badly and injured me severely. I am really thankful to God that he saved me or else I would have been in01font00 (the)02font00 hospital or may be strolling01font00( I'm not sure on this, in writing, I guess I would say 'in heaven strolling') 02font00in the heaven ( or hell 05000)!02br01font00(As you can see, I have so many questions myself. I don't think I've helped you in any way. Just make sure your tenses are consistent, at least in writing. I think your tense switching is acceptable in speech. After all, native speakers do that all the time but in a combination that remains mistery to me. Maybe a native speaker can comment on that.)02br02font01font00One more question, is 'up' needed after conjure?02font010id4

Ant_222 · Accepted Answer

0 «I'm sorry to repost but I thought it helped to shift the focus to my changes instead of the original grammar»02br
02br
00 Hope you don't mind if I correct it: «I'm sorry to repost but I thought it 01i00would help02i00 to shift the focus to my changes» 0-

Ant_222 · Answer

0 Here's my try:02br
02br
00 "I unlocked 01i00the02i00 dog’s chain",02br
00 "so he can could roam freely" — can or could?02br
00 "I heard a voice as if something 01i00was02i00 cracking"02br
00 ("as if" is OK as long as the sound is described with no realation to its possible source)02br
00 "very thin sound as if it 01i00was/were coming02i00 from far away"02br
00 "personal preference, 'a huge tree bracnh'" — this way lost is the emphasis of the branch's belonging to 01i00that02i00 tree.02br
00 " (F)or a moment I 01i00couldn't_ _realise_ what _had02i00 happened."02br
00 "made me very afraid" — terrified me a lot, maybe...02br
00 "Or else I would have 01i00got02i00 in (the) hospital" or "would be in (the) hospital" (mixed consitional)0-

New2grammar · Answer

1font02font01font00Thanks for correcting my mistake. I'm glad that you did. In fact, please do it everytime! 05002font02br
02br
01font00I have some comments on your suggestions. I would like to hear from you.02font02br
02br
00"I unlocked 01i00the02i00 dog’s chain", 01font00I suggested the leash instead02font02br
00"so he can could roam freely" — can or could? 01font00I suggested could and struck through 'can' but the format was not transfered over from the orginal thread.02font02br
00"I heard a voice as if something 01i00was02i00 cracking"02br
00("as if" is OK as long as the sound is described with no realation to its possible source) 01font00(I'm believe the cracking sound came from the soon to fall branch. That fits the context better. Otherwise, why would anyone mention it?02font02br
00"very thin sound as if it 01i00was/were coming02i00 from far away" 01font00Is afar OK or too poetic?02font02br
00"personal preference, 'a huge tree bracnh'" — this way lost is the emphasis of the branch's belonging to 01i00that02i00 tree.01font00 02font01font00Do you think the emphasis is needed though? I was worried it would be a redudant emphasis since the passage had mentioned the location of the person)02font02br
00" (F)or a moment I 01i00couldn't_ _realise_ what _had02i00 happened." 01font00I agree with you02font02br
00"made me very afraid" — terrified me a lot, maybe...01font00the original didn't sound natural to me either but couldn't find anything wrong.02font02br
00"Or else I would have 01i00got02i00 in (the) hospital" or "would be in (the) hospital" (mixed consitional) 01font00Is'be' wrong? I have no problem withyour suggestion but think either is fine. 02font010id1

Ant_222 · Answer

0 I did read your blue suggestions and deliberately commented only on the things that I thought you had missed.02br
02br
00 «"I unlocked 01i00the02i00 dog’s chain", I suggested the leash instead»02br
00 Every dog's chain is a leash, but not vice versa. Otherwise "unleashed" is OK. Hope you didn't overlook m correction — the definite article.02br
02br
00 «I'm believe the cracking sound came from the soon to fall branch. That fits the context better. Otherwise, why would anyone mention it?» Yes, but, the narrator didn't know what was happening until after the accident, right! So I think "as if" works well to describe the happenings from the narrators viewpoint.02br
02br
00 «"very thin sound as if it 01i00was/were coming02i00 from far away" Is afar OK or too poetic?»02br
00 Yes, as long as you say just "from afar", not "from an afar place", which is incorrect.02br
02br
00 «"personal preference, 'a huge tree bracnh'" — this way lost is the emphasis of the branch's belonging to 01i00that02i00 tree. Do you think the emphasis is needed though? I was worried it would be a redudant emphasis since the passage had mentioned the location of the person)» Yes, it is a bit redundant, but to me it makes the tale more interconneced. Personally I'd use just "a branch" without mentioning either "the tree" or "a tree" and thus avoiding both redundancy and "weak coupling"!02br
02br
00 «"made me very afraid" — terrified me a lot, maybe...the original didn't sound natural to me either but couldn't find anything wrong.»02br
00 What's unnatural is wrong! Also try searching "very afraid" and "made me afraid" is Google, to grasp the usage better.02br
02br
00 «"Or else I would have 01i00got02i00 in (the) hospital" or "would be in (the) hospital" (mixed consitional) Is'be' wrong? I have no problem withyour suggestion but think either is fine.»02br
02br
00 1. ...or else I would have spent a month in the hospital — Type 3 conditional (hypothetical past event)02br
00 2. ... or else I would be in the hospital (now) — Mixed conditional (hypothetical present event)02br
00 As to "would have been", it doesn't make much sence to me, but maybe it's me who's wring? What do you think your version means? 0-

New2grammar · Answer

0Thanks Ant for your reply. I get it now.02br
02br
00REgarding the last point, I would have been in the hospital is, I think, a third conditional02br
02br
00For example,02br
02br
00If you hadn't stopped at the grocery store, we wouldn't have missed our flight and would be in Italy now (my preference - 2nd conditional), would have arrived in Italy now( 3rd) , would have been in Italy (3rd I guess but somehow lacking something 05000 )02br
02br
00What do you think?02br
02br
00(Edit, let's push the Italy event back in time by 10 years, the 2nd condition will fail because most likely it was just a vacation so you would have returned to yoru home country. In this case, the last choice stands out better, I think. On second thought, it would require changing the preposition from 'in' to 'to' or changing the verb to 'visited') 02br
02br
00(Edit 2: I would have been in the hospital means "he would have been hospitalized and discharged" right?. A little help here. I'm not good at conditionals. I always struggle with them 05100 )010id111id6

Ant_222 · Answer

0«If you hadn't stopped at the grocery store, we wouldn't have missed our flight and would be in Italy now (my preference - 2nd conditional), would have arrived in Italy now( 3rd) , would have been in Italy (3rd I guess but somehow lacking something 05000 )»02br
02br
00 All correct except the last variation which _is_ lacking someting.02br
02br
00 «If you hadn't stopped at the grocery store, we wouldn't have missed our flight and would have been in Italy» — if you think this sentence may be correct in a certain context, than please provide one and tell what it would mean. Otherwise I can't tell you anyting more about it...02br
02br
00 «Let's push the event back in time by 10 years, the 2nd condition will fail because most likely it was just a vacation so you would have returned to yoru home country. In this case, the last choice stands out better, I think. On second thought, it would require changing the preposition from 'in' to 'to' or changing the verb to 'visited'»02br
02br
00 Then, the right sentence would be:02br
00 «If you hadn't stopped at the grocery store we wouldn't have missed our flight and would have arrived to Italy on time» — Assuming they got to Italy by another plane, say on the next day, or02br
00 «If you hadn't stopped at the grocery store we wouldn't have missed our flight and would have visited Italy» — assuming they failed to go to Italy that year.02br
02br
00 The verb "visit" is perfective while "be" is not — that's the problem with your original sentence, but I think it can be fixed by specifting the time:02br
00 «If you hadn't stopped at the grocery store we wouldn't have missed our flight and would have been in Italy by Sunday» 010id1

New2grammar · Answer

0Thanks Ant. You have been a great help. I need some time to disgest what you said. It doesn't come naturally to me as it is to you. I really appreciate it!0-

Ant_222 · Answer

0 BTW, it seems I have found how your sentence can be used.02br
02br
00 A: «If you had't lost your keys we would be there (now)!»02br
00 A said that if I hadn't lost my keys we would have been there. (by the time A said the phrase)0-

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