TheFisher Posted 19 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Clarification on teacher's comments
I got my essay back from the professor recently and I don't understand some of the comments she made. Here is a paragraph and the comment:
(the essay is on the book The Bluest Eye)
To illustrate, Pecola assigns intrinsic value to light colored things. When Maureen Peal buys Pecola ice cream, the latter chooses orange-pineapple. When Frieda offers her brown, graham crackers, she replies: "'I don't care'" (19), as if she dislikes dark things. She manages to drink 3 quarts of milk in two days, as if she is consuming whiteness. When she is in Junior's house, the multitude of objects, "little lace doilies. . . a large dining table. . . little tables. . . potted plants. . . more doilies," (89) entrance her. When verbally defending the prostitutes Miss Marie, China, and Poland in front of Frieda and Claudia, she emphasizes the monetary value of their company: "'She say she's bad, but they ain't bad. They give me stuff all the time...lots of stuff, pretty dresses, and shoes. . . And jewelry and candy and money. They take me to the movies, and once we went to the carnival" (107). Soaphead Church alludes to Pecola's greed when he compares her request for blue eyes to a request for new shoes (180).
The comment was: "Breakdown in flow" for the second half of the paragraph. But I don't get where the breakdown is, unless it's because I used a colon preceding the last quotation. Any suggestions?
(the essay is on the book The Bluest Eye)
To illustrate, Pecola assigns intrinsic value to light colored things. When Maureen Peal buys Pecola ice cream, the latter chooses orange-pineapple. When Frieda offers her brown, graham crackers, she replies: "'I don't care'" (19), as if she dislikes dark things. She manages to drink 3 quarts of milk in two days, as if she is consuming whiteness. When she is in Junior's house, the multitude of objects, "little lace doilies. . . a large dining table. . . little tables. . . potted plants. . . more doilies," (89) entrance her. When verbally defending the prostitutes Miss Marie, China, and Poland in front of Frieda and Claudia, she emphasizes the monetary value of their company: "'She say she's bad, but they ain't bad. They give me stuff all the time...lots of stuff, pretty dresses, and shoes. . . And jewelry and candy and money. They take me to the movies, and once we went to the carnival" (107). Soaphead Church alludes to Pecola's greed when he compares her request for blue eyes to a request for new shoes (180).
The comment was: "Breakdown in flow" for the second half of the paragraph. But I don't get where the breakdown is, unless it's because I used a colon preceding the last quotation. Any suggestions?
Top answer
Hello TF, welcome to English Forums! "). ") suggests that we are still discussing light-coloured things: you haven't sufficiently signalled the change of subject matter.
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Hello TF, welcome to English Forums!
It may be because you move from comments about Pecola's attitude to light-coloured things to comments about her greed ("When verbally defending the prostitutes Miss Marie, China, and Poland in front of Frieda and Claudia, she emphasizes the monetary value...").
However, the form you choose ("When verbally defending...") suggests that we are st
It may be because you move from comments about Pecola's attitude to light-coloured things to comments about her greed ("When verbally defending the prostitutes Miss Marie, China, and Poland in front of Frieda and Claudia, she emphasizes the monetary value...").
However, the form you choose ("When verbally defending...") suggests that we are st
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Thanks for the welcome MrPedantic!
Anyway, that makes a lot of sense.
I added the following transition:
She manages to drink 3 quarts of milk in two days, as if she is consuming whiteness. Furthermore, Pecola values nonessential objects in general. When she is in Junior's house..
Thank you for your help :-)
Anyway, that makes a lot of sense.
I added the following transition:
She manages to drink 3 quarts of milk in two days, as if she is consuming whiteness. Furthermore, Pecola values nonessential objects in general. When she is in Junior's house..
Thank you for your help :-)
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Yes, that does the trick!
I like this phrase:
MrP
I like this phrase:
Have a good Tuesday,
as if she is consuming whiteness
MrP
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