KYsheeplover06 Posted 21 years ago
And the Wages of Sin are Death
The memory of Eden fades farther away
As the earth spins on 'round the sun.
The world is wearing old and grows more tired each day
As men in their circles do run.
Each bright flower must fear and tremble at the tread
Of men's march in restless rage.
He burns the earth to gain wealth and his daily bread
As that first sin still claims its wage.
So... what do you think? All comments and criticism are welcome
All the best,
Sarah
As the earth spins on 'round the sun.
The world is wearing old and grows more tired each day
As men in their circles do run.
Each bright flower must fear and tremble at the tread
Of men's march in restless rage.
He burns the earth to gain wealth and his daily bread
As that first sin still claims its wage.
So... what do you think? All comments and criticism are welcome
All the best,
Sarah
Top answer
I like this poem! It can be improved by removing the "do" in the fourth line. IMHO
Get the Weekly English Kit 📬
New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.
0
I like this poem!
It can be improved by removing the "do" in the fourth line.
IMHO
It can be improved by removing the "do" in the fourth line.
IMHO
00
No it needs to 'do' as part of the rythmnic structure.
I find the 3rd line a sylalble too long though (ish - depends on whether you think tired is one syllable or two)
I find the 3rd line a sylalble too long though (ish - depends on whether you think tired is one syllable or two)
00
I can really relate to your poem and I loved it. You should be proud.
0